Food addiction/binge eating

[DilapidatedGlamourpuss]

Hi

I was wondering if any of you have suffered with a really specific food that you constantly think about and go out of your way to eat in secret? I suffer from episodes of depression and PTSD and find on bad days (which I seem to be having a lot of at the moment) I'm fixated on buying McDonald's and eating it in secret.

I'm desperate to lose weight and don't even like McDonald's much but I can't seem to stop it. I can't afford to keep doing this and it's really getting me down. A lot is going on in my life right now and I could really do without this. I don't talk about it to my DP or family/friends because I'm ashamed that I can't seem to control myself.

Has anyone else experienced this and if so, have you managed to get past it?

Bump

Hi (I am sure you are not) Dilapidated Glamourpuss. Whilst I do not share the exact nature of my eating diaper with you, I do suffer from anorexia and I just want to tell you that you aren't alone. What you are describing is the very definition of controlling food habits and it will be exacerbated because of the issues you are struggling with atm. This obviously gave you the feeling that you needed initial of having power over something even if everything else was out of your control, but as the story goes with all eating disorders, somewhere it began to take control of you and became a compulsion. Whilst I am being hypocritical in what I am about to say (unable to take heed of my own advice just yet) please get help before the seed of an eating problem embeds itself so deep that it starts to take root xxxxxx

Eating DISORDER not diaper!

Hi Glamourpuss (because like Befuddled, I'm sure you're not dilapidated!)

I felt compelled to reply to your post because I'm in the same boat I too suffer from a food addiction and binge eating disorder, as well as depression and anxiety. I don't have any advice as such, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Would your DP be able to help you plan a rough healthy weekly menu to stick to, maybe just dinners to start with? I find if I'm too rigid I want to rebel and eat something 'not on plan' and it goes downhill from there.

Are you on any medication for your depression/PTSD? If not, would it be worth talking to your doctor about the options if you believe it might help you? You wouldn't need to mention the binge eating if you didn't want to, but the medication might bring your mood up to a level where you can face going for a walk or making some healthy dinners to freeze etc. It's all about the frame of mind, and if I'm not 'there', I couldn't give a s**t about eating right or exercising.

My kryptonite is anything sweet. Cake, chocolate, biscuits, doughnuts. You name it, I can cram it in. I go through stages of eating really healthily and exercising regularly, before something happens to trigger a depressive episode and I totally lose the plot, going the other way. It's exhausting. When I'm having a really bad day, I go to the supermarket after dark (I make sure I alternate supermarkets because I'm paranoid staff will recognise me and judge me for what's in my basket) and buy packets of junky, sweet and sugary foods.

Like you, I make sure I have the house to myself so I can binge eat in private. After I've stuffed myself, I feel a sense of calm and serenity, like sort of a release, but that is short-lived. Then comes the self-disgust and regret. It's a vicious circle.

But I want to get better, and I want to be free of this obsession with food. I've been having a good few days and I'm feeling positive, but I do have had my really low days when I think 'what's the point'? I try and take it one dat at a time.

Anyway, sorry to hijack your post - what I'm trying to say is, you're not alone - if you want to talk about it, I'm here.

xxx

I have a mental illness and one of the symptoms for me is binge eating / secret eating / eating and hating myself for it. Not many people know this is related to my mental health but if they did, everyone would know if I were going through a rough patch because it is reflected in my physical appearance.

My mental health is complicated but one if the things I suffer from is detachment / derealisation. It is scary and horrible. Food helps. Food is real, is constant. eating grounds me, helps me feel. And I get almost euphoric when eating certain things (always unhealthy!!)

I do go through phases with different foods, I too had a McDonalds phase where I would have it every morning on my way to work as it was the only way I thought I could cope with the day, by grounding my thoughts and feelings and starting off with a feeling I could identify.

I'm in a bad, bad way at the moment. I've gone up 2 dress sizes in 2 months, I look awful and enormous. Stupid as it sounds, my thing at the moment is doughnuts. I will buy a bag of 5 custard doughnuts from Tesco and eat them all, one after the other. I ate 3 Krispy Kremes on holiday - I took the kids out for doughnuts and we all bought one, sat together with a drink and doughnut, it was really nice. then I got and scoffed another two.

And then I feel horrible, I hate myself, I look in the mirror and I despise the fat blob looking back at me. And then I feel terrified that everyone on wows I am ill again and whispering about me "she's lost the plot again, look how fat she is, must be in her mental phase"

I can break the cycle. I will break the cycle. But it is such hard work. My husband knows but doesn't fully understand, and it is really hard for him to say to me "KQ you are getting fat again, is everything ok?". And because I know he knows, I hide my eating even more, so if he accuses me of being ill again I can deny it and just sulk that he thinks I am fat. I'm surprised he puts up with me.

I've not eaten any doughnuts today :) I went out for lunch and had a ploughmans, not even a cheese one, a ham one, and I said no to cake for afters. This is a big deal for me.

It's about changing my thought pattern. Identifying the emotion (or lack of) I am feeling, and why I think that means I should binge. I write a lot of things down. I try and find alternative ways to "feel" (today I went clothes shopping in an attempt to cheer myself up, horribly backfired cos I couldn't squeeze my fat arse into anything nice!!) - a hot bath, a cup of coffee, looking at photos of holidays and fun times.

It is relentless, and really hard, but OP you can do it. We all can. I am going to lose these 2 dress sizes by Christmas. And to do that I need to fix my mental health. Ugh.