"we can't talk about that or you'll lose the children"

[swisscheesetony]

I've only been living back in the UK for 18 months, lived abroad many years and had my DC's abroad.

I have a long history of mental health problems (some very serious), but the most serious were all documented/dealt with overseas.

Today I went to see the practice nurse for a routine check and broke down because I'm really struggling with the breakdown of my marriage. She got me an immediate appointment with the doctor who gave me diazepam + sleeping pills.

I started to say "my mental health has never been very good, I've had..." and she cut me right off and said "we can't talk about that or they'll take the children away".

WTF? Is that normal?

If I can't tell my GP what my risks/triggers are?

Is she right that we should keep shtum to keep SS away?

I should say, she's not UK but is EU and UK SS do have form in this area.

What are your experiences?

Is there a specific thing she thought you were going to say? Like 'I've had...this and that event...' and it was that she couldn't talk about without the obligation to report it? Can you find out what that one thing might be and just talk around it, without mentioning it?

Could you call the Samaritans in confidence?

No, there's no way on earth she could've known - I didn't give any info away at all, just used a euphemism like "I've never been strong mentally"... no diagnosis - I didn't even use the word "depression" or anything as seemingly normal as that.

I'm going to speak to someone tomorrow in a professional capacity (WA) and hope that they can shed some light on it.

She's asked me to go back next week and I think that the formal diagnosis I received many years should never be used - I think I will simply have to say that I'm "very anxious".

How strange. I'm in the UK, have had hospital admissions for my mental health and it's well documented with the GP. My children are well and happy and with me. SS have never been involved and there's never been any mention of it.

I'd ask to see a different GP. If they took away the children of everyone who was struggling then social services would actually implode. It really doesn't work like that, they're far more likely to offer support than send in the child snatchers.

Taking kids away is a last resort. I'd suggest a second opinion. Don't suffer in silence. Imagine if they took kids away from every parent with depression?!?

That doesn't sound right, in fact it sounds shockingly unprofessional.

Can you change your appointment so you don't see her again?

The only thing I can think of is that of you have a baby under 1 yr if there's been any domestic violence it triggers an automatic ss referral. This is because baby's are most at risk from violence at this age (horrifyingly).

That's an automatic referral not an automatic swoop in and take the children! A referral means a sw will come see you and find out what happened and what you are doing to protect the children. They may also contact your gp and/ or health visitor to get their perspective, and then if they see you're dping everything you can to keep your children safe, they'll close the file and it does nothing whatsoever.

Why do I know so much? Well, I have personal experience of that and it was all absolutely fine though stressful at the time,

Can you ask to see your medical records just to check they are accurate? It all sounds bizarre tbh.

By the way, just to reassure you, it costs the council £23,000 per year for every single child fostered, and a huge amount more per child in council residential care.

Even with a massive budget councils won't be able to sustain a 'grab the children' policy - they simply can't afford it.

I'm afraid it's pretty much the opposite problem in this time of swingeing council cuts.

Thank you for your support and reassurance.

Alas there is no alternative doc as there is only one at our practice (very rural area), and as it took a month for them to get records from our precious surgery (UK) I find it highly improbable that they'll have not only acquired but translated my notes from abroad!

If they have got my historical UK notes it'll last list depression in 1997... So shouldn't be red flag territory.

I'm ex borderline - which does seem to have some professionals thinking I'd have a cross between munchausens and Jason from Halloween!

Go back to the practice and make sure you get the help you need. MH issues are nothing to be ashamed of and the sooner you a cess help and support the better for you and your DC.

If the practice are still unsupportive, speak to the CCG or nhs England.

Fyi the target time to move records between practices is 6 weeks so you were lucky there.

I'm ex borderline - which does seem to have some professionals thinking I'd have a cross between munchausens and Jason from Halloween!

You say that most of your illness was documented overseas. Were you ever diagnosed BPD in the UK before you left? Or could you have been and not told (pre 2007 in particular)?

If your recovery was documented overseas these notes would be useful. Also, perhaps more so, your notes from previous UK GP since returning to live here. (ie. if they have no concerns/ could see you're a lot better than before you left UK).

BPD shouldn't be a reason to remove children on it's own, but I'm assuming your thinking of Fran Lyons and similar? Everything should be fine, but it's worth collecting the evidence... for the miniscule chance it's not ok.

I'm sorry I can't be 100% positive, but don't think PP understand the huge stigma associated to this particular diagnosis - to some ignorant people 'BPD' is like saying 'psychopath', and unfortunately certain older misogynistic psychs like to keep the stigma and judgement alive. It is often not treated with the same understanding or compassion as other MH diagnoses, seen as a personality defect. Less than a decade ago the diagnosis meant exclusion from all services.

However - it should be fine. Just be prepared.

element - it is 100% documented overseas with not even a sniff of it on UK shores. Usual stuff this end, tonsillitis, mirena, itchy scalp type stuff.

I am very much aware of fran - to the extent I was very scared when I had the DC's in the country I was diagnosed in - but absolutely no interventions or involvement there. I was "signed off" two years before I had DC1.

I spoke to WA today and she said she had absolutely no concerns about any health issue affecting the safety and welfare of my children. Fwiw, ss were involved around 5 months ago when a nursery worker reported a bruise and they turned up at my house with police - but were immediately satisfied that nothing was amiss.

However in light of fran I think I will keep the diagnosis and treatment in the vaults abroad - unless I need the files to show successful recovery. I not going to say anything this end aside "anxiety and spells of depression".

I'm not ill as such, but I suppose triggers such as abandonment will always make me more "anxious" than regular members of the population.

Thank you for your tempered words - you're right - it is the socially unacceptable face of mental health and I'm going to stfu about it unless I need "back up" from my overseas team.

In that case what the nurse said seems very odd, although it implies that she's the odd one rather than that being the general attitude, which is good.

I'm a bit concerned if you feel you need some support now and aren't going to get it because of this. Were you hoping to have counselling? Some kind of meds?

The nurse was fantastic and she actually phoned me at home yesterday just to make sure I was doing ok.

It was the doc who was "off", nonetheless she gave me diazepam and paroxetine and that seems to have taken the edge off it. I'm waiting for counselling... But will not mention the borderline stuff which is now ancient history.

I am really shocked that a doctor would say that to you. How awful, unprofessional, and downright WRONG!!

Mental health needs to be spoken about without the worry of "children being taken away".

Your Go sounds like they don't have a clue - if your mental health were bad enough that "they" wouod take the children away, then shouldnt theGP be concerned about the children? And not brushing stuff under the carpet? And if GP thinks you are obviously not someone who needs their children removed then why on earth not talk to your about your issues?

No. Not normal. Not normal at all. Mental health problems doesn't equal unable to look after children.

I'm so sorry this was said to you. The GP sounds substandard at best, could you see the practise nurse instead?

Urg this makes me so mad, there is such a long way to go before people understand mental illness, if DOCTORS are acting this way :(

This is beyond shocking. I am a retired social worker/manager with a career spanning some 30 years and as many of you have said, this GP was totally out of order and unprofessional. Children can only be removed from parents by a court Order, and the LA Children's Services have to have evidence that a child is suffering significant harm or is likely to suffer significant harm.

I have seen many posters on here who have been afraid to see their GP for fear of their children being "taken" - it doesn't happen. Maybe if a single parent was seriously psychotic (as in being deluded and out of touch with reality) and the children wouldn't be safe, then the LA would have a duty to find out if there was anyone in the extended family who could care for the children until the mother had recovered.

I honestly think you should make a complaint about this GP - write to the Practice Manager - she needs to be stopped scaremongering. You might well be doing a lot of other mothers a favour by making a complaint.