am I depressed or just bored or even just stressed? feel parenting is crushing me

[missabc123]

Hello all, am LP to DS, 2.5, work p/t self employed from home.

I have recently had CBT for some long term MH issues that really helped and I have come forwards leaps and bounds (I was able to address the core issues successfully). However what remains is to rebuild my social life as it has suffered hugely due to the MH issues, and I am taking it relatively slow as it's been a long time and I need my confidence to return more, bit by bit suits me.

I work from home and rarely see anyone other than my ex and DS, although I have a few people I see every so often, however no other mum mates. No family locally.

I am finding parenting very hard, I had bad PND when DS was born and although that has mostly gone now and I have developed a real love for DS, I am finding the drudgery of parenting extremely hard, as well as the physical aspects exhausting.

I often find myself pondering suicidal thoughts however would never carry them out and they are somewhat less than they have been in the past. But they seem to pop up every so often. And I am surprised, as given my recent progress with CBT, I thought those thoughts would go away completely. But it seems I have a lot of work yet to do.

I think it's a combination of exhaustion, stress, anxiety and a lack of a social life, and finding parenting (at times) very boring yet demanding.

I have an unconventional routine with DS, we have a very slow morning, and by the time all the tasks have been done, breakfast, baths, cleaning, etc, by the time we get out it can be gone lunchtime then it's a slow walk to the park etc. Things seem to take forever and I am so frustrated by it. I am a real get up and go person, and I feel so dragged down by parenting drudgery and the slowness of it. I also have stacks of work to be doing and feel massive guilt that I don't get to do as much as I could (have p/t nursery but it's never enough). I also don't want to push myself too hard physically / stress wise as it has real repercussions for me.

I don't know if anyone has any support or thoughts they can offer. I am hoping it gets better as I socialise more and DS grows up. I just worry I am in a pit of drudgery and exhaustion and responsibility, despite doing many things to improve my situation.

If you are having suicidal thoughts it's worth visiting the GP maybe you could be referred for some more cbt to deal with these unhelpful thought processes. Is it possible for you to work out of the house as too much time on your hands can be tricky and loads of people feel trapped and unfulfilled at home all the time with small children. That would also help you to rebuild your social life? Are you on any medication at the moment?

It's probably hard to consider when you're feeling low but I'd consider changing the routine. Skip the bath/cleaning thing and get out the door - most toddler groups are in the morning and you might feel better to start the day that way. Have some quiet time mid-afternoon, break out some TV and catch up with chores then. I'm a freelancer and know that work piling up feeling well, my local leisure centre runs a cheap crèche for a few hours on a couple of days a week, I've used it in a deadline emergency. Have a look if there's anything similar in your area, even if you don't use it at least you'll have a plan b. Good luck.

He's at a hard age. Mine is the same age and I'm at home with him mostly although he's just started nursery - could yours start in September nearby? You would be entitled to financial help with it to give you a break.

What time does your ds wake up?
Mine is up early 6/7am then it's breakfast with TV, I have a shower while he watches something then I get dressed and get him dressed, then we go out to the park - have lunch out if nice and home for afternoon. Could you try something like that tomorrow for a change?
I would feel quite depressed if I didn't get out early every day as ds becomes very difficult if he's at home and I end up yelling a lot
I would see your gp if you're suicidal love

sorry for the very late replies everybody, I really appreciate them all. :-)

I have been to my mum's house for the weekend which helped a lot although on my return it has all snowballed a bit again.

Slippersmum - not on any meds (am quite opposed to them) but I might go back to the GP and just talk it through maybe with a view to more counselling. I am wondering if I have a stress related illness as I am always tired and had a few symptoms adn extreme tiredness that might be autoimmune related so I am wondering if that could be a cause or at least a contributor. I will contact her ASAP to talk it through.

Cadidog, you are right that i need to change my routine a bit. I need to get out of the house a bit earlier and sod the tidying! the leisure centre idea is a good one, there's one local to me that runs a creche, so I will see if that's a possibiilty.

I think I am going to make more effort to drop DS at my mums for a weekend a bit more as it does help a lot.

Fugghet - thank you for your support - my DS wakes at about 7 but sometimes earlier. Thing is he's been going to bed late as he's dropping his nap and on nap days the whole routine gets screwed!! I know overtiredness can make him worse and wakings worse but it's the transitional period that is quite tough I am finding. I will def try to get out by 9 or 10 every day as I think it will make a difference to how I feel.

I often wonder if there's something wrong with me, or if it's just lone parenting is sooo difficult. I really struggled with crushing PND, so I think there's some residual PND left. I have an adverse stress reaction to any tantrums from DS and a pretty short fuse due to the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I have a lot of anxiety going on.

It also doesn't help that my ex is as helpful as a sack of potatoes and I can never rely on him for anything (he has his own MH issues that sideline mine the entire time since DS has been born). I have a fair bit of resentment towards him as he has behaved intolerably since I got PG. I am trying to cut him out but easier said than done as DS loves him and I rely on his very limited support so I can work etc.

Thank you everyone