My mental health has always been, lets say, less than robust.
But I've worked hard at controlling my depression and anxiety, with cbt, counselling and a lot of medication. And mostly I can manage things.
But, one of the biggest contributors to my poor mental health was when I was younger I had the most awful experience of bullying at work, and I've never really recovered. I pretend I have, and that I don't care, but it's all bubbling away under the surface.
During the day I can push the thoughts away, but at night I can wake with my heart pounding, crying and shaking, because I've dreamt that I'm back in the office getting shouted at and I'm terrified. Then, of course, the intrusive thoughts grab me and I torture myself with 'I wish I had done x instead of y'. And I can't sleep, and I feel sick.
How do I control my dreams? I've spent almost 15 years in this recurring nightmare hell and I'm so scared that it will be with me for the rest of my life.