I have pretty low self esteem, am very self critical and sometimes feel worthless. Sometimes I am able to ignore it or rationalise it, but it's always there.
I've always felt that I'm 'stupid'. I am in my 40s and have just completed my degree, I thought that might help but if anything I've never felt more stupid. I got a 2:1 but was 2% away from getting a first. I know I should be proud of myself, a mature student and single parent for getting a 2:1 but instead I feel gutted for not having achieved a first.
I'm now looking for work and just don't have the confidence to apply for any of the graduate roles. I find the job descriptions really daunting, and I know i'm not very efficient, not great at multi tasking or picking up new concepts etc. So now I find myself looking at jobs that I would have applied for before the degree which defeats the whole point of it! I don't even want to go to my graduation because i feel like such a failure.
I recently had a chance to meet with someone who I wrote about in my dissertation but couldn't actually face talking to them in the end. I just knew I'd say something awkward and stupid.
Anyway, enough of the whinging, has anyone else had similar self esteem issues and has anything helped? Any books to recommend?
I just find it so self indulgent and a waste of life sitting here feeling shit about myself.
PS. It's not always about feeling stupid, I think that's just the theme at the moment. I've had body dysmorphia in the past for example.