Diazepam

[Smataya]

I've had a terrible time recently in my marriage. I also have mental health problems- IE tensions in the marriage cause me to spiral out of control. I have a diagnsosis of ptsd and have terrible episodes of incredible emotional pain, for want of a better way to describe it. I had these all my life, before I met dh and was regularly self harming. To cut a long story short for the first time on Sunday I took diazepan - went to emergency gp, was prescribed - took 4mg and have felt differently and better literally ever since. Dh responded to me much more positively as I was in control and not raging. I also feel an almost giddy sense of relief that I have a safety net now to take the horror pain away when it gets that bad, which is about once a month. I just don't know how to make sense of this and feel terribly guilty that I am not able to manage my mental health without medication. But then I also feel a bit cross that I haven't been offered them before if they are this effective. Also guilty as dh doesn't know as highly disapproves of medication. I am aware of the addictive nature of them and intend to be very careful about taking them, as I say about once a month when I have a complete melt down and nothing else has ever worked. Sorry for how long this is. Have others felt the same?

I'm just wondering whether these meltdowns are anything to do with PMT? If they're happening regularly once a month, could you keep a note of when to see if it fits a pattern with your cycle? If you have underlying MH issues then PMT can have a much bigger impact.

I have diazepam in the cupboard for when I start getting really manic, but it's a last resort. It's easily habit forming and you build up a tolerance quite quickly, so where 4mg works now, if taken regularly you'd need more and more for the same effect.

I don't think you feel should guilty that the medication helped you. It's great that you've got something to use in emergencies.
I have a similar medication (Lorazepam) that I use around once a month (mine is PMT related). It was originally prescribed for agitation in mania but my psychiatrist is happy for me to use it for anxiety caused by PMT as well.
As you've said, it can be addictive but as long as you're mindful of how much you use it and speak to your doctor if you're needing it more frequently then it should be fine.
Taking medication for MH problems is no different from taking medication for physical health problems. There's no shame in it.

Thanks so much for posts. I think it is something to do with pmt but I just don't know how to cope with it.I find my relationship with dh bordering close to impossible and have been on th edge of walking out for a long time. I have been able to cope with him much better over the past week and taken about 5mg in all. I feel so angry towards him and it's taken a lot of that pain away. A lot of it is legitimate in my view- the problems in the relationship are intractable and only made worse by my anger. I am worried about forming a dependency as I have already noticed how much more easily I can handle being around him - he is on annual leave- having taken the diazepan. Would an anti depressant help me without me becoming dependent? Thanks again.

Sorry just wondered if anyone had experience of a better medication than diazepan for long term help with ptsd?

And a very difficult Dh?! !!