Feeling afraid of losing my parents

[joelallie]

I?m not depressed afaik ? I?ve been there before and I don?t feel at all like I did then, but I didn?t know where else to put this. It?s the oddest thing. I?m 41 so I think that makes me a grown-up . I have a stable and more or less happy marriage, 3 kids, a job, a home of my own etc. For years I?ve taken responsibility for all the practical things in my life ? mortgage, bills, work, car etc etc. Don?t need anyone other than DH to get by. I thought I was a rational human being. But recently I?ve started to have this totally irrational terror of my parent?s dying - they are 75 but in reasonable health so I have no real need to worry about it just yet. And it?s not just the fear of them dying as such, it?s the fear of being ?alone? ? which I won?t be anyway. I remember when my gran died, my mum told me it felt like she was now ?the next nearest to God? ? I have no Christian belief at all but I think I know what she meant but I don?t see it in a positive way. The fear comes over me sometimes and I just want to hide somewhere. Part of it is that I feel I?ll be losing contact with part of my past I think and I get totally freaked out about how time is flying past these days. Then I start to worry about my kids ? how will they cope when it?s my turn. I've also started saying things like 'you won't leave me will you?' to DH - he'd never leave me in a million years I know that. What the is this all about?

I understand what you are going through the same thing has happenend to me. I lost my dad 8 years ago and I paniced that my husband would leave me, I kept dreaming I was having affairs and in the morning I would wake up in a panic. It's come back again. Just recently my mum went on holiday, ever day I felt sick with worry that she wouldn't come back alive. That's awfull is it.

jollalie, have just read you post. Hope this helps....I too was terrified about my mum dying (my dad died when I was very little).

When I was 28 weeks pregnant May my mum died unexpectedly. It was very very hard...but I have survived it. DD is now nearly 5 months old, and think of mum every day...but I am still here. I am not the sort of person who "copes"- I tend to go under, but as I have said you will survive, as I have suprised myself.

I hope this helps in some way, everyone I know is very scared of losing their parents. I guess all those parents felt the same about their Mum and Dad.

It was the biggest scariest fear of all for me, but I have come through.

Meanwhile spend as much time as possible with your parents, and remember the reason you feel this way is because of your deep love for them

Completely identify with this. My dad died 17 years ago and I feel fear at teh thought of losing my mum. She's 73, not in great health and all my grandparents died in their mid-80s so I wonder whether I've only got another decade Makes me feel very tearful. I'm no help but I do know exactly how you feel.

I am having similar feelings. I also get terrified that one of my children will die before me. My mum lost her eldest child and I think it has had a profound effect on me (but my family doesn't talk about these things). I have a lot of horrible thoughts that won't leave me alone - most of which are based in firm reality. Sorry to butt in on your space.

See you're not on your own feeling like this x

So glad to hear I'm not the only one. It is a horrible feeling and quite a recent one - I'm wondering if it's just to do with my getting older and thinking about death in general a bit more. A good friend lost her dad recently and she really went through the mill When you are younger you don't tend to think about death unless something terrible happens - I don't remember my grans' deaths bothering that much then. Scary how many people have already lost a parent. So sorry that you lost yours at what should have been a happy time fizzbuzz.

Thanks for all your replies. maybe I'm not such a wimp after all

I think it is to do with age, although I was always worried about it, it was my biggest fear.

In my dept at work 7/12 people have lost one or two parents in the past few years. I used to look at them and think, they look so normal, how are they coping? People probably look at me like that,.....but as I said they all survived it. I don't think you realise you can survive it until it happens to you.

Also my mum lives on in my attitudes and thoughts, so you still carry them with you.

If I was in your shoes, with hindsight I would talk to my parents about it, and how they survived the death of their parents and tell them all the time how much you love them

Sorry if I'm rambling, I can't seem to find the right words, dd has had me up all night for the last two nights, but I think the word i am looking for, for you is empathy......

Gosh this has always been one of my biggest fears or losing one of my babies. My mum is like my map in life although I am quite independant.

Fizz so sorry about your parents

I have this fear too. My mum died 15 years ago, I live a couple of miles from my dad and am in contact with him every day. If he's away or even just takes longer than usual to answer his phone then I start to imagine something's happened to him. We were never that close while my mum was alive but since she died I'm very attached to him and can't imagine him not being there.

Reassuring to hear it's not just me.