drepssed or not?

[Lynsy]

Hello,
Need some advice really. When my partner and I decided to have a baby I always thought I knew what type of mum I would be, I have always been a very laid back, patient and happy go lucky sort of person so thought this was how I was going to be as a mum. When my daughter was born nearly a year ago, initially I felt overwhelmed and came to realise that I didn?t have the patience I thought I did. Over the last 11 months I have begun to feel really disappointed with myself for not being the mum I thought I would be, and feel that motherhood has opened up so many new emotions for me that I have never felt before. I find myself getting stressed; impatient and no longer as happy go lucky as I was. More so over the last few months I have felt down and have had some really bad days, but then the next day can be fine and happy again. I find it really hard spending so much time at home and would really love to get a job a few days a week, but so far have had no luck. When I am out and about and around people I am fine, just can?t bear spending so much time at home, I have never been a sit still type of person, but being at home so much has made me loose, confidence, and motivation to do things. I do find it hard to talk to people about how I feel, because have always liked to make out that I am a very strong person in front of others and that I don?t need any help, don?t want people to think I am not coping, just want to feel like my old self again ? Does this sound like depression?

I'm not an expert so I don't know if you're depressed or not but if you're ok when you're with other people, have you tried more baby groups/mums and tots etc if they're available where you are. TBH, I often feel the same as you do (down, hard to cope, not wanting to let on to other people about how bloody hard it is) and eventually broke down in tears in front of my health visitor (lovely lady but tends to pat you a lot and say "now are you REALLY ok, dear?") She suggested talking to someone who I didn't know, so it didn't matter if they thought I was rubbish and it really helped. Hope you're feeling better soon x

Thankyou. I know it's always good to talk to people about how you feel, just never seem to be able to be honest that I do find it really hard work,and very stressful, it's like if I admit that then I have failed and always thought I was going to be some sort of supermum - ha ha should have known better! Even just knowing that there is someone to talk to out there even if it is over the internet has helped. Like you say need to get myself motivated to get out and do more things, pick myself up.

Thanks.x

No worries. It's hard when you feel rubbish to go out. expecially when it's into a baby group or whatever where you don't know anyone, but it's really worth it (god, I sound like a health visitor or something - I'm not, I promise!). I was exactly the same as you after my DS was born in May. My DD was two-and-a-half and a right little madam, we moved to Germany with the army then DH went off to fight the Taleban in Afghanistan (or sit behind a desk in an air-conditioned compound in Afghanistan actually). I felt the same as you, trying to put on a brave face and not let on how truly shit I was feeling. It turned out I only made myself feel worse by beating myself up (not literally) for feeling bad about feeling bad.
Even DH freely admits that the job us mums do is bloody hard work (so much so he said he was going back to Afghanistan for a rest after his two weeks R and R!)
Any mum who manages to love her children, teach them what they need to know, feed them and get through the day without throttling them is a supermum in my book.
You sound like you're doing just fine and I bet your daughter thinks you're the best mum in the whole world - you can't say better than that.
Keep smiling xx