No one will help

[tteach]

I don't know what else will do. I have tried multiple medications which have either done nothing or made me feel worse. I was given 12 sessions of cbt after a year wait which opened up things and then ended. They referred me on for further counselling (they said I needed a year of sessions) and I've had several assessments since then but I just get passed from one person to another. That referral was made 8 months ago and I have another 10 month minimum wait with no guarantee of anything after that time. The last assessment was with a mental health social worker who said I was probably wasting my time and theirs if I couldn't get over my problem with talking (I just seem to shut down and can't get the words out when it's the really hard personal stuff). No one seems to be able to actually help with this or appreciate I have major trust issues so need to know someone for a while until I can open up (it took till the 8th or 9th session with my cbt counsellor to get near there). I can't afford private counselling. I'm in trouble with my finances anyway. I have told them I'm near the edge but it isn't enough. No one will help and I just don't think I can do this much longer.

I know how you feel about trust. I have exactly the same problem and I was told by nhs that they are not equipped at all to deal with that. Either I 'get over it' or pay private. In the end they discharged me with the reason being 'failure to engage' which, as far as I'm concerned, wasn't fair as it implied a choice and it wasn't.

I'm on my way to bed now, So I hope this makes sense, someone else might come along with something more helpful.

Have you tried any charities in your area? Mind and others offer free or very low cost (£5 per session) therapy. If you're in London I can recommend specific ones.

I think the problem with the charities is that they look at your salary and would judge mine to be good enough to pay the full amount. In reality I'm paying a mortgage, all the bills and a lot of petrol to get to work on my own because I live alone. I don't live far from London though so would still like your suggestions. It just feels like there's nothing in between basic cbt and becoming hospitalized. Everyone just keeps asking me if I have crisis numbers but to be honest I know that I will never call them. It will just get to the point one day where I can't stand it anymore.

My experience of charities when I was in work was being refused because I was considered able to pay private due to salary unfortunately (I couldn't because of rent and travel to/from work and not earning enough on top as I only worked two days a week).

Even now I am out of work my local Mind (which does support groups and other activities, no invidual therapy) charge double if someone has DLA/PIP because they consider it to be care - which is a problem if you are physically disabled and your DLA is used for other medically essential things that are no longer on the NHS.

I'm on benefits and my mental health team expect me to pay privately for therapy which is impossible.

I feel for you OP.

Just what I thought really which is there's no hope. I live alone and have no family support. Am trying not to overrely on friends. Just a waiting game now till I snap.

Been there done that, what stinks is if you got the help straight away, instead of having to wait 12 months plus it wouldn't have got so serious. Mh system sucks.
Try charities anyway, some areas have support groups, where at the least you might get something, just from being in a group where you don't think you are the only one with mh issues. And over time that sort of atmosphere, where you eventually get relaxed in it might help where musical counsellors and hide the therapist courtesy of nhs hasn't. It did for me a bit, at least it got me started iyswim.
One thing I found helped was realising I wasn't some type of unique weirdo just because I had mh issues, because all the other normal looking people there had them too.