I have long wondered whether dh has npd. I swing between thinking 'oh yes so completely', probably following a specific situation where his behaviour has been quite extreme, and at other times thinking not. The wider picture, that makes me think not, is that he works hard, is generally kind and considerate within the house (does his share of childcare, we have a very gender specific divide of housework which suits us both but he does his share) is loving towards me and the kids, good to his family and to mine (only good to mine through a sense of duty though).
BUT he is very self centred and very critical of others. I would say he has grandiose ideas, but its difficult because a) he does hold a position which gives him power and entitle him to a certain amount of respect, and b) does have some exceptional skills which set him apart from others. The thing is he gets furious if the he feels he is not shown the right amount of respect and admiration. So for example being in a social situation and being treated as an equal to others there is not good enough.
Also very money oriented, and gets very jelous of others and what they have, like he thinks he deserves it more than them. Also he is very controlling with me, and also very concerned what people think.
I've avoided putting this in relationships to avoid in becoming an LTB thread. I'm really interested in people with experience of this.
The narcissistic behaviour is not consistent, he has moments of real kindness towards others, times when he can be very normal and humble as opposed to arrogant. So there are glimmers of something good, and I wonder if it's possible to get to this.
From what I have read, the narcissist is like this because of perceived rejection of their true self during childhood, and so it seems to follow that they need unconditional love. I find this hard as I find his behaviour disgusting at times and I find it impossible not to show this. He appears to completely lack insight.
Sorry if this is all jumbled.