sorry to moan

[Gio71]

Ok am just going to moan for a min and then hopefully may feel better. Am still sitting in pyjamas at gone 4 as 5 wk old ds wont be put down for a minute-is in pain through excessive wind and problems pooing. Am living abroad in dp's home town and am feeling v isolated. Know a few people here but not many and tho I love living here I would give anything at the moment to be in my cosy terrace in uk, with fire on and my things around me instead of tiny rented apartment here on my own with family and friends thousands of miles away. Dont know if am depressed as sometimes I feel ok but others, like now, feel really low and keep crying. DP is concerned but cant really explain whats wrong as dont really know myself. Am just so tired and still feeling crappy after birth-emergency section after horrible labour, then infection. Have no patience with dp, keep criticising how he is with ds. Am also resentful of how much time he has free and how much sleep he gets. Dont tell him about it cos whats the point-just keep brooding. Apartment is a mess. Always seems to be me asking dp to do stuff to clean, doesnt do it off his own back and then I sound like a nag and he seems to think all household duties should still be split equally. Just reread this-sound like a right moany old cow dont I. Love ds so much but sometimes would like to be back in my old life, having a glass of wine in a city bar in uk after work....

I don't know if you're depressed, but this was all the same stuff I felt after each baby. You will not realise it but you are full of raging hormones some of how you are feeling is being exassabated by them. So, one by one:

1. Who cares if you're in pj's? if the answer is you and you know you'd feel happier showered and dressed then put the baby in the cot/moses basket and have a shower and get dressed, what the hell put some make up on. If the baby cries it's ok - trust me second and third babies have to be left to cry while mum looks after the older children - it won't kill the baby to cry.

1. DP - It sounds to me like he wants to understand, but perhaps you're not explaining how you feel added to which he's being criticised when he does help. Just tell him exactly what you've said on here, that you know that you're being critical, that you are sorry and that you really need him to help in general weather it be cleaning the loo or cuddling the baby and you don't want to nag. Then do your best to bite your lip when he doesn't come up to scratch instead thank him.

Also explain that you miss home and having you're own time and space - I still feel resentfull of dh having an hours commute on the train, sounds great to me. I told him that and he said, ok when I get home I'll take over the children you can go out/get shower/read a book/scream into pillow.

1. Is doesn't matter if the apartment is a mess - who cares.

1. Get dh to buy a bottle of wine - and drink it together - you can have a glass.

gio
i spent many a day in my pj's.
and washing and cleaning piled up til dh helped.
what youre feeling is normal after babys arrival .
theres quite a few threads about mens behaviour in those early weeks. my suggestion is has he friends who have had children and maybe you could try and get him to chat to them or them to him if you ask them - dont be embaressed.
somehow we are meant to be fabulous and feeling amzing after having a baby and whilst you adore the baby you head is seriously confused and overlaoded.
are there any baby groups nearby?
if you dont want to go over and over it with dh dont but try to ask him positively will he engage with baby to gave you a break/do the tidying.
one is hyper sensitive after a baby and you go on autopilot as its your inate mothering instinct coming out, he'll notice one of these days maybe not in the next 6weeks but eventually.

if you could find a mate somewhere just to chat about babies then oyu will 100 times better.
is that harder to do than said>?

Thanks for that both of you. Will be glad when todays over. DS has screamed all evening. DP drank the glass of wine I had poured for myself (only booze in the house)when I was trying to calm ds down and am feeling like a really crap mum, especially as dp seems to have finally calmed ds down, something I have tried to do all day! Am dreading tonight though as he has screamed all day everytime I put him down and am feeling as if will crack if dont get some sleep. Feel like am wasting what is meant to be a fantastic time with new baby feeling like crap and will feel like have missed out when I look back.My Mum keeps telling me to just enjoy it but am wishing time away til he is older.

gio, your dp probably came home when the little guy was ready to give in anyway!!
are u breast or bottle feeding?
do you nee to look into his wind problems a bit more and maybe that will help?