Feeling really shit about myself tonight. I'm seeing peers graduate and know that will be me next year. Next year I will need to get a job to support myself. I've already had to take time off uni due to mental health problems and have really had to slug it out the rest of the time. I have no responsibility bar my dog and DP. We both have student loans and my dad gives me money every month. We have a house and car and though we have a right budget we are fine financially. But I find it so hard. Everything is so hard. I don't feel suicidal, but that's more out of my love for my family than for myself. Sometimes I wish DP would leave and then I would have 'a reason'.
The real issue is, I can manage life as it is now, with medication, long holidays between terms and few contact hours. I don't feel that I will cope in the big wide world. It terrifies me. What will happen if I just can't cope with a job? And I don't feel like it's a case of 'I just will', that didn't work with uni, I had a year off. I can't take a year out of real life.
Will this be the rest of my life? Scraping by, coping, managing?