Returning to work after time off for anxiety

[KwakShoo]

Hey. I wonder if someone can help / advise / handhold / sympathise / chat / whatever?

I've had a very stressful year. I managed to hold it all together until 6 weeks ago when I just crumbled. The doc signed me off immediately. I am due to go back next week, and I really want to go back. But I had a completely sleepless night last night thinking about going back and seeing everyone again.

Now don't get me wrong. My team are amazing and supportive. I've had many messages from them asking how I am. They have been brilliant. Including my boss.

Some of them know the reasons why I'm off, others don't.

The problem is I don't know how I'm going to face everyone. I feel silly I guess. Or maybe people think I'm taking the piss for being off so long. They will ask questions. I will probably be hugged by a few of them (which is lovely but I might end up crying or at the very least embarrassed for all the attention). And those who don't know my situation will ask why I was off so long. What do I say to them?

I know I am going to feel sick on the morning I go back. I probably won't have slept a wink.

I have cancelled the last 3 counselling sessions as I just couldn't face it. I only ever went to one, and after that one I cried solidly for 3 days.

I have another appointment to see my doc on Tuesday. We have discussed anti depressants but concluded that I'm not depressed, just anxious and stressed out. So I'm not sure if he can prescribe me something for that?

God sorry for the length. Thanks if you got this far.

Wow. I just had a much needed little sleep. I must've just zonked out.

I'm still half asleep but have read your replies. Will come back later when I'm fully awake. Just wanted to answer WaverleyOwl - about taking time out. For me it was essential. At that time everything was on top of me. I was crying everyday and having panic attacks. This meant I really was unfit for work. Being off gave me time to cry, time to grieve for my old life, time to just be, without the pressure of being at work. I could sit in the garden, potter about the house, lie in bed, whatever. It was on my terms. It helped tremendously.

I'll be back

Afternoon lovelies

Just wanted to update you on progress.

Well I am back at work today. Most of the office are out at training so I only had to deal with a handful of people. I had a long chat with my (very supportive) boss, who has said if I need to adjust anything (work load / hours etc) just to give her a shout.

I am feeling so much stronger than I did last week. I read over this thread on the journey in and it helped tremendously. It feels fantastic to be back to work and I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who supported me on this thread. Much love

Good for you KwakShoo. Glad there weren't too many people to make a fuss today. I'm really happy to hear that your boss is so supportive, it makes a world of difference.

Keep it steady and take care of yourself x

Thanks Lotta

I have a counselling session on Thursday - they said if I miss this one, I will be put back down to bottom of the waiting list.

NOt sure whether to go or not...I just feel so much stronger and happier now, and I don't want to jeopordise it...

Remember that you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to in counseling. If I was in your position, I'd go along to the appointment (to keep your options open). You can always explain that you're feeling really well and you don't want to talk about X at the moment.

I would suggest going. As ARun says, you are in control during the sessions so won't have to talk about anything you really don't want to. On the other hand, when you're feeling strong can be a very good time to start looking at some tough stuff. Just a thought.

Well done, I'm pleased you have such a supportive team. I took 3 months off for depression/stress/anxiety and thought people would feel like I was taking the piss but no-one has said anything nasty at all, much to my surprise.

Thank you for the replies, yes you are right, and I will be going to the counselling session this afternoon. I am in control, I have to keep telling that to myself. I am feeling a lot stronger now and think I can manage.

I feel so lucky to have such supportive people around me. A few of the women in the office have been through similar and have been brilliant in listening to me and advising and telling me what they had been through and how things turned out for them.

Hope counselling went well.

I have been talking only about surface things for a few months to get stronger day to day, only now I feel better starting to delve deeper as I can handle the emotions.

Hi Marg,

Counselling was OK, I don't know what to think really. I talked a lot and she listened. It felt weird. I cried a bit (but not as much as I thought I would) and did have a bit of a lightbulb moment into the reason I always think I am wrong. So it was helpful I suppose! I'm just glad I didn't break down, and I still feel strong.

I spoke about the stuff I didn't think I wanted to, and it was fine. I was surprised!

Yeah, it often does feel weird - its totally unlike any other relationship. One of the most difficult things for me was learning that the world would not come to an end if I shared the hard stuff and that it was OK to fall apart emotionally because it let's out the pain and I always come back together in the end. Well done for going to the session and I'm glad it was a positive experience x