My therapist says my anxiety is misplaced longing for a baby - thoughts?

[bangbangprettypretty]

I have anxiety and come from an anxious, though I guess you would say high-functioning, family with a history of depression and MH issues.

It has got cripplingly bad and I've recently had time off from work. I've sought help and am having psychotherapy and CBT.

My psychotherapist suggested last night that my own anxiety is partly that I want to have a baby and am denying myself that. If I am totally honest, I would absolutely love a baby but the time is not right. I came home last night and told my DH and he is a bit surprised as we had plans to go travelling next year, but says if I want to bring forward trying, we can. I'm 32.

I want to get more stable - financially, in my career and emotionally, before we bring a baby into our lives - but does anyone have experience of having had a baby while having anxiety? Or should I just find some displacement activities to keep me going until next year when we will be in a better position to think about a baby?

Hmmm. Im not sure that trying for a baby when you are suffering crippling anxiety is necessarily what you need. Would it not be wiser to wait until you feel a bit steadier? If your therapist is suggesting that getting pregnant will banish your anxiety, then I think s/he is very misguided!

That said, I have always suffered from anxiety but have 2 lovely DCs. Anxiety that is controlled or being dealt with doesn't need to stop you.

I'd had a history of depression and anxiety for about 15 years when I conceived DS aged 30. Pregnancy would have been easier without anxiety certainly - I had mental barriers which made getting to some of my appointments stressful, but with support from DH, we got through. In early parenthood, anxiety made it difficult for me to attend post-natal classes, baby groups etc (so I didn't), but it didn't affect my relationship with DS, and he's always been the happiest, bubbliest little boy.

Are you quite certain things will be in a better position next year? I've been going through that thought process for a couple of years now! In another few months, I'll have saved that little bit extra, DS will have developed a little further and need me less (not that he needs me a great deal - he's 5!), I'll be just that bit more ready blah blah….

How long have you been in this round of treatment for? If it's only been a short time, waiting a little while might be a good idea, but who knows?

I am hopeful that things will be better next year - trying to buy a house and I know that's stressful in itself but once we have a home of our own it should help with a sense of permanence.

I hope so anyway!

Anon she wasn't saying all my problems would be solved by getting pregnant, just that the cause of such anxiety might be down to watching the people around me starting families when DH and I haven't got a permanent home or a baby.

It's encouraging to think it isn't going to be impossible to have a baby - I've only been in treatment for six weeks so it's very early days.

My therapist (who I'd like to think it a mind reader ) sometimes floats ideas out there with me to see if it hits home. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. Explore it further with your T and work though your thoughts and emotions as to whether you really have an urgent need to have a baby right now (i.e. your therapist's guess needs validation).

Going traveling sounds great. Once you have a baby though your options will be restricted. I would probably want to be sure about what I want now, and whether my anxiety was baby related, rather than some other cause, and then work with my T on what is the best anxiety management plan.

That sounds a bit presumptuous for my liking. Can I ask what kind of therapist you are seeing? Had you mentioned wanting a baby? Was it posed as a statement or a question?

I'd be surprised if this is the cause of your anxiety, if I'm honest.

I'm seeing a psychotherapist Button. I've just finished a course of CBT too.

She just suggested that I'd mentioned anxious responses to a few other situations involving babies. I think I've always had anxiety but she said that could be a factor - she basically suggests things during sessions to see what strikes a chord.

I think the therapist sounds like an idiot.

Thanks for the input