Hi all
In 2013 I was raped at the hands of my now ex partner. Although it didn't occur to me at the time, this assault conceived a child. A beautiful child that I have now lost forever. I've had arguments with depression before but this has triggered something much deeper. Deeper than I'd ever dare to admit to in real life. I lay awake and cry into my dog (who bless his soul is a star and what gets me out of bed) each night, probably a mixture of grief for what was once a loving relationship, and the loss of my son. It's not even purely emotional anymore. It's physical. I ache. My shoulders are heavy.
I genuinely don't feel like I have anything in the world left. I'm just so lost, so scared, so anxious, so angry, so many emotions that i know I just can't hide anymore. I paint a smile on my face each day but the tears are more and more frequent and the anxiety hits me in the face seemingly constantly.
I don't know where else I can turn, I don't expect answers, I just needed to talk. To get it out there that I'm not coping.