Am I expecting too much?

[squishy]

I had a very traumatic birth just over 2 weeks ago with my first - the trauma was more about loss of control and general manipulation by the medicals/being ignored etc even though I do "know" my body well. It did result in forceps but healthy (and gorgeous) baby.

Physically, am beginning to feel much much better now and this week we've had grandparents leave us alone (Weds was first day since she was born that it was just the 3 of us and also the first day that DH decided to start working again - he works from home, but I was under the impression that he was going to have more time off with the 3 of us).

But since Thursday, have been feeling very tearful at the slightest thing (music, looking at my gorgeous baby and generally stupid stuff) and yesterday just cried and cried. I put it down to the emotional blows of birth and what happened beforehand catching up on me.

DH had been the best I could have imagined/hoped for during labour/birth and the first 2 weeks - he did everything for me and made me feel special/clever etc. He's made several comments that he felt he missed the first 2 weeks of LO's arrival because my Dad and step-mum were staying nearby (although he acknowledges how great it was to have them near as my step mum cooked for us every night) and that he sort of feels the novelty has worn off (a bad way of putting it, but it's almost like he feels the special-ness has gone). He's also not a night time person (he's a late night person so stays up with LO and gives her a 3am feed so I can go to bed at a reasonable time and get up and do her other feeds) and the night before last, he shushed her (very noisy feeder!) and got all tetchy....he says things to her which upset me (and he doesn't say them in a nasty tone of voice or volume and is Irish, so generally swears a lot anyway!) and then accuses me of getting defensive on her part.

I could go on - it's just quite a few tiny things that are really getting to me - I know it's only 2 weeks that she's been here - am I expecting too much of myself and DH?! Sorry for ranting

I think you are being perfectly normal, for a mother of a two-week old! Th e first few weeks are really hard work, you are very tired, and hormonal, and most Mums I know spent a lot of that time crying or being emotional. I think sometimes it's difficult for dhs to understand too, because they have not been through the pregnancy/birth and had raging hormones, and are probably not so tired, unless they are doing most of the feeds. I'd just give yourself time, don't blame yourself for anything, and remember - it will get a lot better!

squsihy......((((((hugs)))))))

2 weeks...your hormones are still in uproar..i remember your thread.. feeling everything was getting out of control...

sweetheart..you have a newborn.......don;t be hard on yourself..the first 6 weeks at least are a turbulent time..getting to know the baby, recovering from the birth...

your tired, hormonal , feeling sensitive....have you talked about the birth ? maybe you need to go through it to feel ok with it....

and if you need some more support from DH..ask!

make sure you try and rest..if the grandparents are desperate to be involved..ask them to cook a meal or do some laundry..give you guys time to be a family......

you need to learn how to be a family together...which might mean adjusting your expectations of yourself and your DH...

if you are still like this in a few weeks..need to look at the situation again...

don;t try to be superwoman...let you body heal!

I think my emotions are taking a battering because my body has started to heal......and it's true how my body has already forgotten the pain and trauma, but also the emotions haven't.

Unfortunately, we're on our own now, one set of grandparents (the disinterested and unhelpful side) are back in Ireland and my side back in France....

Thought I had explained to DH yesterday, but after he had a bad night's sleep last night and had agreed to do the 7am feed, he then bitched that I'd had 6 times the sleep he'd had and I'd cheated him out of the last 20 mins (he was going off to play for the day with his friends and I've done 10 nights on the trot getting up and tending to our LO as much as she needs).

I had been coping so well so far, and still feel I am with the baby, but just feeling very fragile myself. Reassured to know it's "normal" and will be kind to myself (and insist DH is, too!)....fingers crossed and thanks xx

well. lack of sleep makes everyone irritable...and the being cheated out of sleep conversation happens every day in households world wide with a new born!

rest when you can and look after yourself..let us know how you get on...xx

squishy...what you are experiencing in TOTALLY NORMAL. Don't forget that there are still lots of hormones racing around your body from the pregnancy and a whole new set to help with the breastfeeding and baby caring/bonding. If you don't have it, get satellite and watch tv. It's one of the few things that you can do while caring for a baby and it will take your mind off things. And also, don't forget that your husband does not have all the hormones that you have, so at the moment he is probably feeling a bit unneeded, a bit unwanted and to top it all off his wife has turned into a hormonal wreck (his perspective...). That's not to excuse your dh's behavior, but just to explain that his behavior is totally normal too. My dh had already had 3 children before he met me and kept warning me that all of this would happen. And then when it did happen he complained that he was left out and I was an emotional wreck (men are such simpletons sometimes). My kids are no longer babies and he is a brilliant father, so don't worry, it does get better.
Chocolate is helpful too.
good luck.

squishy - i could of wrote that thread myself. i had similar birth to u. i do think that if a woman has a traumatic birth with poor aftercare by health professionals, they are more likely to suffer with PND. i am not saying u have this as it's early days, but looking back to my DD's birth 4 years ago, i did have PND but did nothing about it because i thought that all women felt the same and it was normal.
4 years on and i suffer with panic attacks, anxiety and depression. i think if i had acted earlier i could of nipped it in the bud 'so to speak'. if u still feel the same in a few months time go and chat to your GP.
good luck

Thanks for the reassurance, am still feeling tearful etc but have had a better night's sleep (got DH to get up and look after her - downstairs!!).....not used to feeling hormonal so I tend to underestimate the powerful effects of them....

Just browsing before bed and saw your thread - don't worry, you are going to be fine.
I recognised myself after the birth of my DD in your post and can promise it will get better.

I didn't go for help to my GP or HV but did manage to get through the tough first few weeks.

Don't worry about DH - I'm sure he's just feeling a bit insecure because the strong, confident woman he's used to is suddenly questioning herself at every turn. I also hate to say it, but most men do have a small subconsious part of themselves which sees us as their mummy substitute so he is probably a bit jealous on a subliminal level and doesn't even realise himself.

I'm afraid it may be as long as 3 months before you find your feet again (it was for me) but hang in there and trust yourself and your instincts.

There will be a point where you start to feel like an old hand and get your sense of self back which should help DH to feel a bit better too.

Good Sleeping!!!

browsing too for some 'feeling depressed' support. Me too had forceps and bit traumatic birth - DS now 11 weeks, and am finding I have good weeks and bad weeks! Don't actually remember the first 8!! Only that everyone said they were the worst and they were right - it does get better. my DH misses his confident wife, and frequently comes home to tears (mine and DS!). I soon found that I got more confident at telling DH exactly what he had to do - like take the boy off for an hour so I could wash and, oh luxury, blow dry my hair!! So glad it is normal - no one ever tells you before though do they?!

Too right they don't 2by2!! I was under the (naieve)impression that I would know what I was doing because I had read all right books and that my DD would immediately stop crying as soon as I picked her up.

My poor DH once got a call at his work during a management meeting with me wailing "she hates me!All she does is cry even when I pick her up!" down the phone at him. Luckily, his boss has 2 under 4yrs so she took the phone and gave me a quick bit of much needed reassurance. I can look back and laugh at it now (albeit with a red face) but it seemed like the worst thing in the world at the time.

Nowadays, I try to strike up a conversation with every new mother I see just in case I can offer a bit of reassurance or at least get a broody glance at their lovely little bundle (yes, we're trying for another so it can't be that bad).

11 weeks? Aaaahhhh.......Getting broody again. You've got loads to look forward to 2by2, it really does get better and better

thanks gmummy...I even went to my first P+T group today - it was all a bit loud and DS looked a bit shocked, but felt so much better for going out and having a conversation...not even about babies! I spent most of my early weeks think DS clearly hated me too..DH couldn't see it. I look in the mirror now when he is in a good mood, and find the reflection very reassuring..(despite the significant baby weight I still have to lose!!!) good luck with no.2!