Let down and finding things hard

[Natty81]

I have a 3 week old gorgeous baby and 2 Ds's, aged 3 and 4...am so proud and totally in love with all of them! When I had the baby I had loads of cards, a few visitors, lots of congratulations and best wishes etc, it was lovely. DH went back to work over a week ago, he is out 7am until 7pm so I am doing everything on my own with regards to the children. Have had a really tough week, have been getting upset over silly things, have been alone all week (DS's go to pre-school, the school run takes me an hr by foot so am shattered..and all the boys have done all week is fight or wind me up, 3 of them demanding all the time. I can cope with them, I love being a Mum and I know I am the best Mum to the boys- but I feel after only a week things are taking their toll. My pre-pregnancy clothes hang off me, I am trying to eat enough because I am breastfeeding but don't have much appetite. I can't sleep because I am so wound up and stressed at bedtime...the worst thing is I feel completely alone and abandoned. I have loads of friends, only one of them has been in touch to see how I have been getting on. I cry because they are meeting up and getting on with their lives without me, I cry because none of them have asked me how I am doing on my own. My Dad left a bunch of flowers on my doorstep but hasn't phned or been round since I heard I had the baby. I took the baby to see my Mum when he was 2 days old but she hasn't called since. I did call her to tell her what he weighed at 2 wks and she told me all her woes and never asked how I was. Normally I listen to people and love helping people but I feel I have turned into a selfish monster, going over in my head 'Why aren't they bothered about MEMEMEMEMEMEME, when I have always helped them and listened and asked...

Last night DH stayed up playing his Playstation while I fed the baby. Then he was awake,wet and crying at 4am so I got up and then DS1 got up when I had fed the baby so I never went back to bed. DH got up at 9am and I felt really resentful that he had stayed up doing something he enjoys and I was up half the night and then sorting the kids out so early. I know, how horrible am I? I know there is no point him getting up too, but I can't shake these horrid thoughts away.

Everyone says how well I am doing...I am...the HV came round and said third time I should know what i am doing and just left, didn't even sit down.

Anyway, just having a bad week, getting things off my chest just makes me feel a bit better. Am sure it's a familiar story, new mums often feel neglected, just feel i ought to get it off my chest before i implode or smash up the kitchen, or even worse text my friends and tell them what rubbish friends i think they are being.

Oh yes, you have more than enough on your plate with 3. Because you have been coping so well no one is giving you a second thought. Also it is a time when your homones are going haywire. I think you need to tell dh and mum how you feel. Might be worth inviting a friend round for lunch and then hopefully if she is switched on she will end up making it for you. You are at a very vulnerable time so you need people to help and recognise that. You sound as if you are doing an excellent job but you need some time for you. If I lived near you hun, I would be visiting and your feet would be up with a cuppa in your hand. Take Care. xxx

Natty...You are magnificent, wonderful and doing spectacularly well. A big Cyber MN hug and an offer of tea and chocolate brownies.

I've also worked out that if you do cope well with things, everyone who you expect to offer help seems not to know what to do when you do need it and, well, let you down totally. It's their failing not yours. Due to a different situation that I won't go into here, I am feeling rather abandoned and wondering where the help is. I too usually willingly offer help to all and I too have had the 'MEMEMEMEMEMEME! feelings you refer to. Do not feel bad about that it's a perfectly justifiable emotion.
I'm also now feeling, when help has been offered, seizing it with both hands and thinking 'Well, you should have offered this sooner' I'm feeling guilty about those feelings but vindicated.
Sorry, I shouldn't go on about me, it's you that that's the important one. Just trying to say I understand how you feel.
Please don't feel you are being horrid. I think it's perfectly understanable that you resent being left to do all the donkey work. I strongly suggest you speak to DH and tell him how you feel. Sometimes even the most wonderful bloke needs it spelling out to them. I also suggest you contact your HV and say how difficult things are and could she pop round and see you. OK, you might be on the third time around but each pregnancy/birth/post natal outcome is different. Also speak to a trusted member of your circle of friends. Let them know how you feel. I would like to imagine that the jungle telegraph would swing into action and people would be aware and pop and see you.

I hope this makes sense. a big big hug to you and don't feel bad at all about any of this. They are perfectly understandable emotions.

I agree, get in touch with the HV and explain everything. And I'm sure your partner doesn't realise how alone you feel. It's hard because after you have your first baby, so many people are interested and help out. Second time around, everyone thinks 'oh well, she's done it once before so she can do it again without us'. I can't even imagine what its like the 3rd time! You are well within your rights to feel the way you do. I think you're doing so well. Just remember, it won't be like this forever. Baby will be less demanding in a few weeks and your hormones are all over the place still.

Natty, so sorry you are feeling that way...really all this is a compliment to you in a way, do you know what I mean? because you are obviously such a good, kind mum and people think you are coping so well! It's time to be assertive and tell people how you are feeling. People can be very selfish and it's time to stick up for yourself. I do know it's hard when you're feeling low but I think as a first step, tell your DH he needs to help you more. To be honest, as the mum of a 3 week old I don't actually think it's too much for him to get up in the night to just keep you company, once or twice....and what on earth is he doing getting up at 9am when you are coping with 3 kids?????? When you are a father of three I really don't think that is an option!!! Unless it's even stevens, eg he gets a lie in on saturday and you get to go back to bed on Sunday once you've fed baby......

Also, I would take the initiative and phone a friend, invite them round; no harm in saying "I feel I'm out of circulation and I would love to see you!"

When your HV next comes, put the kettle on and MAKE her sit down! Don't be afraid of saying "Oh I'm SO glad tos ee you, i'm finding it so tiring"....or something.

I know doing all this takes some effort, for someone like you who is obviously used to being a coper, and a listener....but nobody can help you unless they know you need help....the squeaky wheel gets the grease you know....

good luck x