Hello ,
I suffer Depression amongst other MH problems and my husband has depression too.
With anti depressants, they take around 6 weeks to make a noticeable difference, and the first 2-3 weeks the side effects can be varied and it is when they are at their worst. It's also a good thing to remember that they won't work over night, and it may take a while to find the right dosage and anti depressant as different medications react differently to different people what helps one may not help another.
What I think is important is to separate the depression and the side effects. It might sound obvious but when you're the one on the medication, it's hard to see or feel the difference.
So some of the common side effects are nausea, dizzy spells, headaches, tiredness/exhaustion and flu like symptoms. The other side effects can be a worsening in the symptoms, intrusive thoughts, less concentration, irritability, thoughts of self harm/self harm or suicidal thoughts/plans/actions.
It's really important to have open communication about how he is feeling, and then trying to work out if it a previous symptom or a side effect of the medication. For example, if he never felt suicidal, but begins to feel suicidal once he's started the medication then there's a fair chance it's a side effect. Talk to him, and explain that it is most likely a side effect, if he feels the suicide thoughts are really bad, then he should be able to have a telephone consultation with his GP to discuss those thoughts. It's very hard to be rational when you have depression or are starting medication for it, so that's where you can give him some rational answers. I find it is easier when I can think "I am feeling this, because of [insert reason] and that is ok to feel like that, so I will do [insert something to do]". It's important to know that what helps him, is fine to do [as long as it's not hurting others].
I used to feel incredibly guilty when I used to feel depressed or low, and during the day I would just sit and read or watch TV, I felt lazy, but actually I've learned that if I chill out and take the pressure off during the day, then I felt able to do much more in the afternoon and evening with my kids.
It's about realising that you may not have the perceived normal life, as you need to learn to work with the depression but you can create a new 'normal' that works for you. Do you have children?
The only other thing I will say, is take care of yourself, make sure you have some support, and that depression is no excuse to hurt someone else, I have severe mental health problems and I've never been abusive towards my family. If you make plans and he doesn't want to join in, then it's ok to go without him. Please get some support for yourself.
Hope that helps you a little, I know it's a lot of information!