Help - depressed mum - any advice on ads ?

[piscesgirl]

Have 3 DS (& DP!)& my last 2 are only 18mths apart. Everyone said how hard I would find havin 2 so close but TBH was hopin for a girl. In feb06 no3 DS was born I went into overdrive to prove I could cope & tried convincing everyone that I was more than happy with 3 DS and that obviously am just a boy making machine! I dont want to bore you all with what has ensued over the last 8 mnths but due to lack of sleep (no3 ds bad sleeper was breast fed now on bottle) and depression my HV has said that all 3 of my DS need to be looked after by other people for 2 wks so I can rest. I am so upset at farming the kids off to diff members of family & the anti depressants have not started working yet. I am taking venlofaxine. Has anyone taken these and if so can anyone give me hope that they work & I will be able to look after my own children again as am fiercely independant and hate what is happening. Feel so guilty (sad) Any opinions if this is good for my depression to be split from my children ? Thanks (sorry so long new to mumsnet!)

i'm sorry i dont have any advice on that particular ad,i have only ever taken prozac long term.
i'm concerned though that your health visitor told you to do this-i wouldnt have thought a hv would have that authority?
having 2 children close together is hard work,my first 2 are 11 months apart.but i found the first year of my 3rd childs life very hard work.my hv arranged help from sure start etc,and sorted out groups i could go to,but i couldnt have had a break from all of them as i have no family living nearby,andi wouldnt have wanted to be apart from ds2 when he was little anyway.
you say that you were hoping for a girl,but you dont sound like youve had problems bonding with your ds.i can understand your hv recomending you have a break for a few hours or a night out with your dp ...but 2 weeks?!

Your HV doesn't have the authority to separate you from your children - and to be honest, unless your depression is very, very severe I wouldn't have thought it was in your best interests. I would also have thought that, again unless your depression is very, very severe, you would be a better judge of what's best for you than the HV is.

ADs can take weeks to start to work - but they do work and they could make all the difference to you. Counselling might be useful for you as well. But don't allow your children to be taken from you if it's not what you want. The HV may have every right to suggest it, and she obviously means well by trying to get you some rest, but she does not have the right to insist it happens.

Thanks for your reply. Thankfully I have bonded with all boys but am so sad now they have all been sent off that I have demanded DS2 be brought home & he has just returned! Hurrah! DS1 is 9 so can talk to him on the phone but DS3 oh I just want to see him so much & he has only been gone 2 days. Sometimes I dont even think I have PND and that just exhaustion is the problem. Even when I went to docs bout 3 mnths ago they were reluctant to diagnose PND. But here we are 3 mths later & have only just started taking ads. These next 2 wks are going to be horrible for me & am hoping that because I will be getting lots of unbroken sleep I will feel better when DS3 returns. I suppose I should be grateful that he is with MIL but feel guilty as if I had asked for help sooner maybe wouldnt have got to this point. Am not good at asking for help !

Thanks wigwambam also for your reply. My HV is very bossy! If she knows I have returned DS2 she will have a go at me and say that I will never get better if I dont try and rest. Sometimes I do wonder bout the advice dished out by her. Will have to hide him in the cupboard when she comes to see me at home tomorrow ! Am hoping for the ads to start workin soon but my DP has is also insisting that DS3 should stay with his mum for the full 2 weeks as I will benefit from the sleep but my heart is breaking

My gut instinct is to say that you should tell the HV where to go. You really sound to me as if you would be happier to have your children with you, and the fact your HV is pushy shouldn't stop you having them with you.

I can only speak for myself, but when I was at my lowest with PND, the only thing that even got me out of bed in the morning was my dd. Without her it would have been three times as bad. If you really feel you'd be worse without them then go and get them back - don't be bullied by anyone, that will only make you feel even worse.

you do not need to be seperated from your children,...especially if you don;t feel that it would help you! your HV sounds a bit over the top.......trying to help, but missing the mark

i took venloflaxine

175 mg at first, then 150 until i came off them

worked quickly and well....had tried others before..but IMO these are excellent....!

if you do not want to be apart from your kids.....then don;t be,....it will most certainly not help.

makes me laugh when mums of young kids are told to rest! WTF????

get more people round to help you in the home

if people want to look after the kids..ask them to help in other ways instead

cook some meals, do some ironing, do some shopping...give you quality time to have with the kids, and a rest if you want it.....

ADs should start kicking in soon.....xx

Thanks lulumama - I have just checked and am on 75mg of venlafaxine. Must admit this morning have woken up feelin bit better for the first time in a while! My cousin is comin in to help with DS2 as he is now back in the fold! Will speak to my doc to see if I am on the correct dose of venlofaxine though. Thanks again for replying - MN is a great way of sharing problems eh ?! Maybe that is why I feel a bit better today after chatting with other mums !

how did things go with your hv?