That's it really. I am a long time mumsnetter. i've name changed because some people might recognise my other user names - and in real life I am supposedly a normal, hard working career woman and mother who copes well with anything.
Except I'm not coping. I've had a lot of difficulties over the last few years and since last summer it's been particularly intense. Nothing life threatening (to me) or tragic, but one quite high stress factor after another. in no particular order this included my MIL having a stroke while she was with us (and then having surgery and looking after her), finding possible evidence of DP's infidelity - and nearly splitting up over it, DD2 being very challenging, problems at work when they wanted to make me redundant (illegally), looking for a new job, finding a new job, finding another new job etc etc, DF having a major health issue, trying to buy a house...
none of these things has tipped me over the edge. But I am in a state of constant stress. And I am incapable of making a rational decision about anything. I am having anxiety/panic attacks and often can't sleep
I am also very, very scatty and having problems thinking straight. i quite often can't find the correct word or phrase for something, even commonplace objects, which is worrying me more, as I have always had an excellent vocabulary. In the past few months I have also had problems at work, not in strategic thinking but making silly mistakes, like addressing and sending an email to the wrong person, or forgetting tasks that I haven't written down
I did go and see my GP after Christmas who ordered a blood test but that didn't show anything relevant.
My secret fear is that I am developing some kind of early onset dementia (I am 44) or other health problem, although I know that is pretty unlikely.
Or could it just be the cumulative stress? I have had depression often in the past but nothing quite like this before