I can't cope

[hanban89]

Everything feels so unbearable at the moment. I have a 16 week old who cries all the time, doesn't sleep great, and a 3yo to run about after. I feel like she isn't getting enough attention at all, and I leave her in front of the tv all day while I see to the baby, even though she now goes to nursery 12.30-3.30 everyday and she loves it. This makes me feel so guilty because all she wants to do is play. I've been surviving on about 3/4 hours sleep since DD2 was born, and I've been so run down, I've had a urine infection, pneumonia and sepsis when baby was 8weeks old, and now a pelvic infection (doc thinks susceptible from the birth) I am so tired and my mood is terrible. I seem to fly into a rage when DD2 is screaming and won't settle. I sometimes even start shouting, slamming doors, kicking/throwing toys around. I can't help it, and DD1 gets so upset. I hate myself for feeling like this. I feel like I'm a terrible mum and my girls deserve better. Been to doc today about DD2 and they are now thinking that DD2 has a milk protein allergy and not just colic. I hope they will now put her on special milk and she starts to settle/sleep better. Please someone tell me some advice because I can't keep going like this. I've started having horrible thoughts about hurting myself, and in middle of night when baby won't sleep I scratching myself????? On my face really hard and I keep getting all marked. So sorry for the long thread.

Hi hanban I don't have much advice, but I could easily have written your post when my DD (DC2) was born. Both of mine struggled with dairy intolerance when they were tiny. I'm very familiar wth the constant crying, beig sick, awful nappies. It does get easier, I was beeastfeedibg mine and the ony thing that helped was to cut all dairy, soya and caffeine out of my diet. The exhaustion is crippling. I've shouted, screamed & thrown toys too. Have you spoken to your GP about your mood? I found that my local children's centre ran a support group for mums with PND, that was a lifesaver for me.

Keep talking if it helps x

It's good to know that it's not just me. I don't think I can face telling the gp how I'm feeling. We do have a family centre local so I will look and see if there's a mums group. I feel like the only thing keeping me going is sugar and caffeine but I know that's not a good thing. I think I need an overhaul of everything. Diet and routine. Every night I feel guilty over the things I've done during the day, and promise myself that tomorrow I will be better, but I'm not. I think that's the hardest thing. I just feel out of control.

Can you write down how you are feeling for the gp? They will be able to help.

Don't feel guilty, it's clear that you are devoting everything to your children, but you need to look after you too.

If you can't face going along to a group can you give the children's centre a call / email and ask what support is available? I had a really lovely family support worker who I owe a lot too.

Hang in there mumma, sending you a big Internet squishy hug x