I try and not to waffle on too much....
I turned 40 last year and even though 40 is just a number, I feel so unhappy about it. As I thought, i've done nothing with my non-existing life and am I gonna be like this for the next 40 years...don't think so!.
I've got a fab husband who I've been with for 15 yrs and married for 2 yrs, 3 lovely good kids, age 2, 6 & 10. I've got myself a small part time job twice a week, 2 months ago, after being a SAHM for 10 yrs and I love it, but I could do with more hours - more money. I've got 2 good friends but both work full time and have their own friends as well, so I speak to them every couple of weeks (they are 2 separate friends).
BUT I'm so lonely as I'm living in the area that is not my hometown but it's my husbands. Our financial side is awful as my husbands is self employed for the past 8 yrs with an asshole business partner but the money is not a steady income and not enough for both of them to live on. (thanks god for the benefits as I totally rely on them to pay our bills etc). ive checked everything that we are entitled to.
me and husbands were arguing a lot last year and nearly ended up splitting up through me being frustrated with him being moody coming home from work and banging on about his crappy business partner. (However, my husband had been offered a salesman job through a good friend of his (which is my boss's son) in the next 4 months and the money is steady).
We desperately need to sort out our finance so we are so behind on the mortgage and a few bills. My wage covered nearly half of the mortgage.
our house is falling apart around us (there were my mums words...that really hurts me a lot).
Last time I had slept like a baby and woke up feeling fresh was before he became self employed.
ive started to try nytol to help me sleep as I do have purple rings under my eyes and ive got a stress rash/spots that its not going away with screams prescribed from the docs...im so fuckin exhausted!! and ready to cry every minute.
I would love to find new friends but its hard. My family doesn't bother with me as i don't live in the same area as them (they live half an hour drive way from me!!)....im always going to them and none return.
Im wondering if I try anti-depressants tabs, I would start feeling abit better? ive tried counselling but ive got like millions of stuff to tell them in a very short space of time. :-(
I don't want ever my kids to go through what im going through...being permanently skint. as when I was growing up, my parents always had money and we went on holidays and had nice clothes, etc....but my husband's upbringing was very poor as his mum was a single parent, his dad wasn't around at the time and they literally had no foods in the house, etc..so different upbringing to mine.
I wanna look back in my life and say I did that and that was a laugh... but its all down to money...... ive got nothing to say :-( :-(
don't know what to do anymore....
thanks for my rambling post and your time xx