feeling very low, please help

[Sloegin2]

I have a history of depression and anxiety relating to psychological abuse in childhood. It's come down on me like a dark cloud, I'm having thoughts of self harming, think everyone hates me, this sounds silly but I've decided everyone at work hates me and I've wracked my brains to find a reason why. I'm not sleeping because I'm panicking, I'm about to graduate from uni (adult learner) and can hear my dad's words of how I will always be a failure and can't see how I will pass. I spoke to my personal tutor who says this is irrational as I'm on course for a first class honours but I just can't see beyond blind panic that I will prove him wrong and fail.
I'm scared to go to the Dr as I went a few weeks ago and asked for sertraline but never started taking them and I think he will tell me off.

Being abused in childhood means your 'normal' is to have people treat you badly, so it feels unreal and unsettling if they aren't and you wonder what they are hiding.

Someone else's lies are echoing around in your brain and claiming to be the truth. Logic and reassurance aren't enough to get rid of that. Please do go back to your GP - what was the reason for not trying the pills, if you don't mind me asking?

Have you ever had any counselling? Most unis have a free counselling service and I'm wondering if you'd consider going,

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I think go back to your GP. Really doubt they will tell you off! They are there to help, not judge. Maybe worth asking to go on a list for some sort of talking therapy too?