I also posted in the PND section -
I have a history of mental health problems, I have been treated for PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I have, for the most part, improved greatly and was doing really well. I had been able to use the technique I learnt in therapy to get me through a lot of difficult situations over the last 2 years.
I recently gave birth at the end of April and up until the last few weeks I had a very straightforward pregnancy. I was then diagnosed with preeclampsia and had to deliver early.
The birth was quite traumatic and I was very ill afterwards. I was too ill to hold my son until about 5/ 6 hours after the birth. I had to stay in hospital for a few days whilst they monitored me. I found being in hospital tough, the nights were the worst.
I thought I would feel a lot better after I was discharged from hospital but I have slowly started to feel worse and worse. At first I wasn't too concerned, I was told about the 'baby blues' and thought that I would start to feel better soon.
Initially I did start to feel better but I have slowly started to go downhill again. I cry pretty much on a daily basis, I feel hopeless and overwhelmed, I get stressed and anxious when he cries/ refuses to sleep. I feel terrible admitting this but I don't enjoy being a mother.
I don't know how I am going to cope, it feels like I am serving a prison sentence. Don't get me wrong I love my son but I just find being with him too much. I just have no idea what to do with him, I don't feel any natural instinct all.