How do you ghet self confidence back if it's gone in all areas of life?

[silveracorn]

It's just gone. I feel invisible and utterly useless at every single thing I do. I don't even have any desire to do well. I just want to give up at everything except being a mum.
When I look back on my past, pre-children, I can't believe the stuff I dared to do, despite having crippling depression through most of it. But now, even things I really would love to do and have a duty to do I just can't face. Not up to it. Not competent. Empty headed.
Does anyone know how to get your self confidence back? I feel scared of absolutely everything these days.

I feel a bit like this too. I do look back at the things I used to do and think, where did that person go?
I am watching with interest to see what people say!
I suppose you have to remember that you are still that person and can still do things.

Thanks for replying. Thing is, I don't feel like that person any more. It's just evaporated, really rapidly. Maybe I need to go back on ADs. But I don't exactly feel depressed, or not in the familiar ways I've felt it before. I just feel useless and completely without drive. Like every scrap of willpower has just vanished. I can't be bothered to do anything at all. Ever. I don't care about anything. Underneath I do, in a way, but not enough to make even minimal effort to get things going in the right direction.
Is it possible to kick start yourself from there?

Thanks for replying. Thing is, I don't feel like that person any more. It's just evaporated, really rapidly. Maybe I need to go back on ADs. But I don't exactly feel depressed, or not in the familiar ways I've felt it before. I just feel useless and completely without drive. Like every scrap of willpower has just vanished. I can't be bothered to do anything at all. Ever. I don't care about anything. Underneath I do, in a way, but not enough to make even minimal effort to get things going in the right direction.
Is it possible to kick start yourself from there?

There is an annual competition I have been meaning to enter for ten years.

I'm sure I could think of lots of encouraging things to say to someone else - but none of them would work on me ...

Zero, that's familiar.
Is there anyone who has overcome it? Anyone on MN who can come over here and suggest ways to get out of this rut. It sounds so self pitying but it's not. I feel entirely responsible for it but unable to act because I haven't a clue what to do. It's the mental equivalent of being dropped in a desert and being told to walk home but with no way of getting your bearings.

Well maybe you do need to go to the doctor again. Or are there any mental health charities or support groups in your area? Or maybe take a different angle and do something like a mindfulness course.

You made the effort to post for help, so see, you can be bothered to do something. : )
Maybe set another acheivable goal today, and the next day.

Is it confidence you lack, so you don't want to try anything as you think you will fail, or is it just that you lack the energy and will to do anything?
Paul McKenna has a book on developing confidence. I have never tried his stuff, but have done self hypnosis before for anxiety and found it very helpful.

Hi applecart thanks for your replies.

It's both. Total loss of confidence in absolutely every area of my life: work, relationship, friendships, looks, dreams, goals and plans. Nothing seems possible any more.

That's coupled with the most appalling lethargy, like a terminal illness. I've had it for about five years on and off. I spend hours and hours in bed. Right now (say for the past three months) I am doing nothing with my life: not exercising, not completing any work on time, and to nowhere near the right standard. I feel brain dead and thick and lethargic and down and indifferent to everything. except that there is a little mousy voice in there somewhere, shouting out: I don't want to feel like this. So I must care. I just can't access any of the energy and bravery needed to act on that desire for change. So I just lie in bed like a terminally ill cancer patient, and waste hours all day every day online, and eat rubbish and put on weight. Minimal housework, minimal contact with DC, almost zero contact with DH and friends. It frightens me but I have no idea how to climb out of it.

From what you say, it sounds as though you might have more of an energy issue than a confidence issue. If I was you, I'd be exploring nutritional supplements - not necessarily ones that call themselves 'energy boosting' because they often act a bit like caffeine when what would really benefit is something that works at a deeper level - like magnesium. Digestive enymes could also help - they will give your system a subtle boost.

tormentil, thanks. That's really interesting. I've had loads of minor digestive niggles recently, including a stomach ulcer and am currently on medication for it. I'll look up digestive enzymes. Do you recommend a specific brand at all?

Been up since 2.30 am as DS1 has gastric flu (more stomach issues!) but oddly feel a bit brighter today and have made some plans to try and get out of the rut. Just need the energy to put them into action. Though until today I couldn't even be bothered to plan to change, so it's a start.

Any chance you've had your thyroid checked recently.I have an underactive thyroid and feel a bit like this

I would second having thyroid checked . I was the same and it was that !!!

Also I feel like this a lot .
I isolate myself from my family quite. A lot .
A routine helps me to feel motivated .
Am about to start exercising .
Feel prisoner in my bedroom as I seek peace n quiet and end up dozing !!!!

Sharon and ginor I did wonder, as thyroid problems run in my family. GP said it was normal last time it was checked (a few years ago when this weight gain and lethargy started.) I've put on a stone over the past five years. Same weight all my adult life and then this slump in energy has led to weight gain.
Maybe I should check it again. Also, somewhere (probably on here0 I read that in UK the 'normal' thyroid levels are still underactive by some countries standards so I might ask what the result is.

Thanks.

Thyroid stuff can change .
I was border line for some time , ignored the symptoms u til it got really bad so in my experience best to check .

Sounds like adrenal fatigue

You should definitely see a doctor, it sounds like something physical is exacerbating your mental symptoms. Other than that exercise is great for your confidence and energy levels (but difficult to get the motivation to start!). Also I would recommend reading intimate connections by David Burns. This book helped me loads with my confidence when I had major issues and if you have a tablet or smartphone it is available free on an app called scribd. It's based around cbt and I found it very easy to read, not condescending like many self help books.

HelenF350 thank you so much for the book recommendation. Will look for it now.

No problem. It focuses on relationships with others and confidence so I hope it will be of some help. I recommended it to a good friend recently and her partner (who had no idea she'd read the book) asked where the new, self assured woman had come from.

If been looking at it. So far it seems to be for people who don't have a partner (and looks very good. Would have loved it in my twenties when single) I'm interested it helped your friend who is in a relationship. Maybe need to read it all the way through. Feeling so stuck...

I was going to mention thyroid too, as I also have an underactive thyroid and feel like this to a lesser degree. A horrible sort of apathetic flatness. My GP has just put my dose of thyroxine up so I'm hoping it will help. I would get your GP to check possible physical causes and not just assume it is a MH issue. I'm sorry you feel so dreadful.

Thanks Sir Vix. My gran had underactive thyroid and like me slept a lot. But GP said I didn't when last checked. That was a few years ago, though, so maybe should look again. Thanks. God I wish I could climb out of it.

Yes, get it re-checked. Half my family have it, so I knew the symptoms, and I knew my thyroid wasn't working at top whack, but it was ten years of blood tests every few years before it got low enough for the GP to put me on thyroxine. Even though I hadn't felt ok for all that time, my results were "normal". Now I wonder if they were actually not what I would now call normal, having learnt a bit more about it. So when you get your results, if you are told they are "fine", ask what they are and post them on here, there are many really well informed people who post on thyroid issues, just to double check , as GPs vary in how up to date they are with thyroid problems.

A lot of it is aimed at the single person but I think she found that the first few chapters in particular helped with building her self confidence and encouraged her to be less bothered about what others thought of her and less afraid to do different things. He has another book called the feeling good handbook which may more suitable. I found his writing very easy to read. I've read self help books before and found them either hard work or very condescending.