I will apologise for the waffle already.
A few years ago I cheated on my partner( no sex involved) I was in a bit of a bad place, hadnt long had a child, partner was always out etc & when I came back to work & someone paid me attention I ran away with it before I could walk.
2 years later I couldnt live with the guilt & anxiety, I lived okayish with it in everday life-routine but come nights away, holidays etc I panicked too much so told my partner the truth whilst away on holiday. That was last October & he has completely forgiven me.
However...im finding it hard to forgive myself. Im thinking of every little lie ive told, everything bad ive done - we left our holiday a week early with our son & I still feel bad about it now. The thought of going on another holiday scares the sh*t out of me & romantic nights away even though I know I would be finr with a night away once I got there-had a drink & calmed down. I love being at home all calm & routine etc. I am currently on citalpram & am having councelling & have just started a mindfulness course.
My main aim is to get on a holiday again & learn to enjoy life again but I wondered if anyone else finds it hard to 'live in the moment' and not feel anxiousabout things which are meant to be enjoyable? XXX