Ever felt an urge so strong that it takes everything you have not to do something really stupid

[starshaker]

Im struggling. The only thing stopping me is the thought that my kids would end up with my family.

I just want it all to stop. I want my head to stop thinking. I want to stop shaking because of what i'm thinking. I want to feel like things can be good. Part of me thinks my kids would be better off without having me as their mum but the thing that keeps me here is I know what sort of life they might have if I wasn't. I couldn't risk my children having the same life as me and I'm the only person who can stop that happening

I'm sorry. I cannot help you. I feel exactly the same. Have just been out to the shops and bought only one thing as I couldn't get back quickly enough to the relative safety of being home alone. In two hours I have to plaster my "ok" face back on for DS and DH coming home from school and work.

Maybe see your GP and be very honest about how you feel? I can't. My GP is used to seeing me full of the joys of spring. And I have no right to feel this way. My son is disabled and his father (divorced) doesn't see much of him so, all he has is me. I have no choice but to get on with it.

You are not alone. x

No, your children won't have a better life without you.
They will spend all their lives wondering why you did it and if they could have spotted it and prevented it and if it was their fault.

That's a lot of guilt to grow up with.
So, no, it won't be better for them.

I feel alone. I feel like i'm invisible. I have good weeks but then it all crashes down and I get the most immense feeling of dread. My mouth is dry my stomach is churning and I feel sick. I hate feeling like this

Sweetheart, you're not on your own.
Get through each day and this too will pass

You have good weeks. There will be good months.
Maybe years. There might be some more bad days and weeks too, but they will pass.

There's one thing you cannot undo though.

I haven't eaten in days. Nothing at all. At least I might lose some weight. Cant face food

Have some sweet tea.

Try to eat later.

Have you seen your GP?

I recently had cbt. I thought I was ok but im back down again. I hate this yoyo feeling

But you know there will be an up again?

It will get better.

Has GP suggested pills? Would you try that?

Pills make me foggy and numb.

My face feels like I have pins and needles as it is when im like this. Adding numb just makes it worse

I might still be worth talking to your GP.

They might change the prescription or might refer you for more therapy.

I might try and go on thursday morning if I can. I feel stupid going back again

You mustn't feel stupid for asking for help.
The opposite, it's the right thing to do.

Good luck!

Don't feel stupid Star. Remember, your GP won't be shocked by anything and they're there to help not judge. You need that help, at the moment. Let us know how things go