Anyone else have a partner with cyclothymia?

[Bellabellie]

Hello all, I wonder if there are others out there and if so it would be good to hear from you. My partner has cyclothymia which is a mild manic depressive disorder. It is not as bad as some of the stories I have read online but it can be extremely frustrating to the point that I don't know how to find the energy and resilience to carry on. The crux of the issue is that it makes him an unreliable partner. Because he is often feeling either low OR high there is little in the middle. This makes him quite self absorbed even though he does try to be reliable and empathic. He just can't sustain it. He has trouble concentrating and is distractable so things often get lost or misplaced. Every day he 'loses' his keys, wallet, diary etc multiple times. He cannot sit still so works very long hours, there is no idle moment unless it is allocated as 'family time' with then a huge expectation as to how fulfilling that should to be. He has little patience for 'mundane' tasks which means these often are down to me, or at least the organisation of them. That was sort of ok when it was just us, but now we have a toddler there are a lot of those and I can really feel the lack of balance. Because DP has taken a risk with money we have now lost our savings which has made life more complicated to say the least. To be honest I am exhausted with it as I am forever slowing him down or pepping him up, depending on whether he's on a high or low. In the mean time I have become an overly critical and controlling person to keep things from falling to bits. However I don't like that person at all! How do you keep the fun in your life and nurture your own personality, interests, hobbies etc when living with an unreliable partner??

That sounds exhausting. Does your DH have any support or medication? I've got bipolar 2, and while I have nasty lows, medication and therapy has meant I'm very well outside those times. TBH, even when unwell I do everything I can to help my DH.

dontrunwithscissors It really is exhausting... It's all the little things that build up and just get to me. It's amazing how having a child has made it all so much more difficult. He loves our DC to bits though and he really is trying his best.

He doesn't have any support or meds at the moment. I have found a therapist for him who has expertise in cyclothymia and I am hoping that will help him gain some insight in the mood swings and how to manage them. Thank you for taking the time to respond x

Hello dontrunwithscissors - what you have done there, organising support, sounds spot on. I really do wish both you and your partner all the best with that. I believe that insight is crucial, that way things can have a chance of changing; it's also possible that your partner does not realise the full extent of how you feel so perhaps couples therapy may help too, just to talk things through in a neutral environmeny? Just a thought ..

I struggle with mood swings too and what I would say is that often those of us that do really don't realise how those around us can be affected - especially if those around us are generally strong and supportive - also in a relationship I think we just kind of assume that we are accepted warts and all, and because cyclothymia takes so much energy it is very easy to see how we can appear self absorbed - possibly with some basis, as managing a mental health issue can take so much energy. And that's if we are actively trying to 'manage' it, or if we aren't, and it's just running full steam ahead. What I'm trying to say is that therapy may well be very good for your partner because it may be a gentle reminder about him factoring in how you are coping with his cyclothymia.

I can speak with some authority on this as I was diagnosed with it about 12 years ago (have had an additional diagnosis since). My mother was bipolar and my sister is bipolar. So am familiar with the rollercoaster that is manic depression. I worry for my kids as it can be hereditary, there is also the nature/nurture argument so therapy sounds like a good idea as it will help your child too, if you two deal with this.

Good luck, you sound like a lovely caring person, really hope things get better soon for you all.

I meant hello to OP too : )