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Signed off with stress - is this really me?

4 replies

PingPongBat · 27/04/2015 14:22

It's been a really rubbish year so far. My DM was diagnosed with a terminal illness last summer & after months of pain & multiple hospital stays, she died in February. My cousin died in March. My FIL died suddenly 2 weeks ago. I had a week of compassionate leave after DM died, but have been at work since then, coping OK-ish most of the time, but feeling really tired & tearful at home.

Today I went into work & only stayed for an hour. I dissolved into tears as soon as someone asked me how I was. I had a GP appointment today anyway for an unrelated issue, so I asked him about bereavement counselling for me & possibly my DCs (DD has just self-harmed for the second time, which has scared the life out of me). He's referred me for counselling but also suggested that he sign me off for a fortnight (or more) to spend time recovering from what's been happening over the last 2 months.

When he suggested it I felt an huge sense of relief, but then guilt. I've always just got on with it when there have been crises. I've never had time off for stress, it's just not 'me' to admit defeat I suppose. I don't feel overwhelmed all the time, but the feelings of not being able to cope come & go in waves, I'm OK one minute & then unable to look up from the floor the next.

So I've got a sick note for a fortnight, but am wondering whether to use it or not. I think I should, but I'm worried about what I tell people, how much I tell my boss, and how will it feel going back after 2 weeks off. I'm also feeling bad that I will let down people at work, and my clients, who are mostly very vulnerable.

OP posts:
OhNoNotMyBaby · 27/04/2015 14:26

Yes. This is you - but just at this point in time. And yes you need to take the whole 2 weeks off. This is time for you to dedicate to grieving and to coming to terms with your losses. Allow yourself to be upset, and to spend all day in your pjs watching crap on telly if that helps.

You will feel better and then you will be a different new - battered, bruised, bereft but better Flowers.

GooodMythicalMorning · 27/04/2015 14:31

You need it. Take it to make yourself feel better and begin to heal a bit.

PingPongBat · 27/04/2015 16:57

Thank you both.

'Allowing' myself to feel upset still seems like a weird concept. My DF was always told 'shut up or do something about' by his parents, if he was worried about something. Although he never said it to me as a child, there was a definite way of dealing with worries & sadness in our family, which didn't involve demonstrating how we felt. As a child, I felt I would be seen as 'wallowing' in it, as too inward-looking. When I'm upset at home now, I usually hide away from everyone so they don't see me upset. As a mum I feel I need to be the strong one, it's so hard to allow myself to let go.

OP posts:
IrenetheQuaint · 27/04/2015 18:56

Yes take it. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and didn't have the nerve to visit the doctor... as a result I made a couple of fuck-ups at work and felt awful for ages.

Taking a couple of weeks off after a series of close bereavements is not a sign of weakness.

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