It's been a really rubbish year so far. My DM was diagnosed with a terminal illness last summer & after months of pain & multiple hospital stays, she died in February. My cousin died in March. My FIL died suddenly 2 weeks ago. I had a week of compassionate leave after DM died, but have been at work since then, coping OK-ish most of the time, but feeling really tired & tearful at home.
Today I went into work & only stayed for an hour. I dissolved into tears as soon as someone asked me how I was. I had a GP appointment today anyway for an unrelated issue, so I asked him about bereavement counselling for me & possibly my DCs (DD has just self-harmed for the second time, which has scared the life out of me). He's referred me for counselling but also suggested that he sign me off for a fortnight (or more) to spend time recovering from what's been happening over the last 2 months.
When he suggested it I felt an huge sense of relief, but then guilt. I've always just got on with it when there have been crises. I've never had time off for stress, it's just not 'me' to admit defeat I suppose. I don't feel overwhelmed all the time, but the feelings of not being able to cope come & go in waves, I'm OK one minute & then unable to look up from the floor the next.
So I've got a sick note for a fortnight, but am wondering whether to use it or not. I think I should, but I'm worried about what I tell people, how much I tell my boss, and how will it feel going back after 2 weeks off. I'm also feeling bad that I will let down people at work, and my clients, who are mostly very vulnerable.