Okay so I've never wrote about this before or spoke to anyone about it apart from my dm who told me I needed to shake it off and everybody gets down now and then.
I had my dd when I was 18 I was confident happy ect wasnt nervous at all about becoming a mum. The pregancy was fine up untill my 5 month scan when they told me my dd had something wtong with her heart and would pissibly not make it, I was told to come back a day later for another scan. You can imagine it was a massive shock. Anyway at the scan everything was fine dds heart was normal. They had got it wrong.
I don't inow why I wrote that im just rambling but it always sticks out in my mind how terrified I was.
since dd was born ive had anxiety, such bad paranoia that im a bad mum I got into thousands of pounds worth of debt just buying her everything and anything.
I get paranoid and I know that im bieng paranoid that nobody likes me, that everybody is talking about me.
Sometimes (rarely) I feel on top of the world but most off the time I feel dazed, short tempered and realy resly low. Somdays I just want to hide under my duvet and cry and I have no idea why.
Ive tried loads of things to make myself feel better. I've changed jobs, I've got a lovely house and garden, a nice family and friends, a beautiful happy clever little girl. But nothing makes this feeling go away.
Sorry to ramble on.