Self harming

[Gatehouse77]

My 15 year old has told me he has done some self harming - at home and during a couple of lessons at school.
Firstly, I praised him for telling me and that he didn't have to say sorry to me.
I've spoken to school and they are going to give him a time out card so he can leave if he's not coping. He gets to choose (within reason!) where to go and what he wants to say to his peers.
He is under CAMHS but, despite an attempted suicide 4 weeks ago, they offered an appointment on 28th May! Too f'ing far away. I've got him an appointment with a private psychologist this Sunday so here's hoping we can get him the help he needs.
I understand that with CAMHS it's a resources issue but that doesn't help him. Now. When he needs it. I have been trying since he was 8 years old to be proactive with his mental health but it seems the system is only set up to be reactive. It's so frustrating and disheartening.

hello,
Really positive that he's talking to you. the psychologist will really help - you need a diagnosis asap so that he can start treatment. it sounds as though he's really receptive to help, and that will be a really good thing.
it's so hard in these situations to stay calm and not get panicky or over-protective. just try and keep home calm and normal. take him out for walks in the open air where he gets exercise and some time to clear his head of stuff, technology, friends, school- everything. it really works wonders and gives you time together. you know that its weird but just lying in the grass looking at the sky with no time pressure is a wonderful healer for any stressed out kids today. and laughter is good. try a bit of that too. calm, gentleness and patience, that's what you all need. and please do make sure you have someone to talk to so that you can let off steam.
young minds tel 0808 802 5544 are there to help you.
i really wish you all the luck in the world. you sound like a wonderful mum and you will get through this together.

Hi gatehouse I agree. It was the same 21 year ago when I first got involved with them (still here though!). I agree- it's good your son told you about the harming, many keep it secret. If he's told you that means that he actually wants help, which is a massive positive.

When he sees the psychologist it might be worth asking whether it would be better for him to see a counsellor in the meantime. Just thinking that psychiatrists/psychologists were a fat lot of good when I was a teenager; it was the talking therapies that got to the source of the problems, with 'cheaper' people.

Massive hugs to you. You are a great mum- keep in there xxx

Thank you for your replies.

I rode the roller coaster of DH's depression/cychlothymia for many years (he is much better able to self regulate now and applies CBT - massive improvement!) and so am fortunate (how contradictory is that?) to have had experience in dealing with the mood swings. I believe we are doing the right things but that doesn't mean we're getting it right.

What we're finding hard is the balance of allowing him his feelings but not being self indulgent. His GCSEs start soon (July baby hence 15) and he needs to put in some revision hours. Luckily, he is a very able student who can achieve well with not much effort.

We have decided to withdraw him from his Art though because he has not done nearly enough prep and even if he pulled out a blinder on the day, is unlikely to pass. He's completely indifferent about it and, as he's not pursuing a career in that direction, so we figured it would be one less stress.

Ironically, I start my training as a Samaritan this Sunday!

Couldn't read your post and run..

I'm 21, and I've been 'a self harmer' for 7/8 years now. I understand your difficulties and your situation, because I put my Mum through the same thing.

Firstly I just want to say you did all the right things by praising him for telling you and getting him help, albeit 3/4 weeks away. All you can do until then is give him space, within reason, because you still want to keep a watchful eye on him, of course, due to the hurting himself and attempted suicide.

I found that getting through my counselling with CAMHS and divulging the past in order to get my diagnosis (I've got Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder) was difficult, but my mother helped me SO much. I couldn't of done it without her - half the work he's going to have to do in order to get through his CAMHS stint is going to be heavily reliant on you, most likely.

You sound like a wonderful mother. Very open, very caring and understanding. You're doing all the right things. Carry on doing what you're doing and he'll most definitely come out the other end.