Anyone know a magic spell to stop me sitting on the sofa brooding?

[aparrotcalledcarrot]

Hi,
I've NC for this. I'm officially off work sick today (tummy bug yesterday, can't go back til 24 hours after better), and should really be getting on with a million things. But instead I've been surfing the web and playing candy crush.
I realised a while ago that a big reason for why I'm so unproductive is low self esteem. I end up in the cycle of feeling like I won't manage to do anything, so avoiding doing stuff, then feel rubbish for not managing anything.
My OH is trying to help (and is lovely) and suggested a book called Overcoming Low Self-Esteem which I have tried to read this morning but found it all a bit much and felt the tears coming so put it down again.
We moved abroad 6 months ago and away from family and friends which doesn't help. I have a wonderful DD and wonderful OH and have a good (stressful+frustrating) job, so all in all I should be getting on with life rather than acting like a spoilt teenager sitting on the sofa doing nothing.
Any ideas????

I feel similarly, a lot of the time.

I have just been out for a run. It helps. Not enough.

I also read an article yesterday about the need for rest. So I am going to give it a try,

How about you give yourself the day off the million things and maybe do one nice, small one. And rest. And stop with the self-recrimination. Nothing wrong with doing nothing, sometimes

I am off to the GPs myself right now to see if they have any pearls, if so I will share.

Is the sun shining there? It is here. If it is go and sit in it.

Do you do or are you drawn to anything creative? Getting 'lost', whether in music, art, writing, photography, cake making, knitting etc can be very therapeutic and helps build self esteem whether you are good at it or not.

Do you get outside often? Just being out in nature, even if its green space in a city, can help - not so much with self esteem but the effect on general sense of wellbeing can be huge (and Vitamin D is very important).

What 'stuff' do you avoid doing? Can you break this down into small goals so that its less overwhelming and even getting one done builds a sense of achievement.

It can also help to write down a dialogue between your negative 'inner voice' telling you that you won't manage to do something and a more grown up, compassionate voice that says what you would say to a good friend or child if they said these things. Over time, learning to 'catch' the negative thought and counter it will help build your self esteem.

This TED talk, on 'Emotional First Aid is quite good.

Thank you, therealmary, that helps so much just to know there's someone else out there who can feel like this. (Though weirdly having your lovely message has made me cry properly now...)

Yep sun shining here, just opened up the doors to balcony...

Good luck at the GPs, hope they're nice and sympathetic and have something useful to say, would love to hear any advice they give.

I think what gets me feeling quite so annoyed at myself is why do I feel rubbish and completely demotivated and incapable when life is (outwardly) so good??

OK sunshine and cold juice and one thing for today. Sounds good. Thank you therealmary xxx

Hi Sleep. Yes I do walk outside quite a lot, to and from nursery/work. Don't do much (anything) creative - used to play music regularly but not found the right group here to join.

The stuff I should be doing is for my job (working in a hospital overseas which lacks everything, trying to help them with small changes to make things better like writing guidelines), plus more long term stuff for my career (like writing scientific papers etc).

Watching the TED talk now. Slightly offputtingly the speaker has the exact same voice as the voiceover man who narrates the Miniatur Wunderland trailer...!!!

parrot tbh you sound a bit depressed - not that low self esteem won't be having an impact on that but it may well be the other way around . I'd have a think about whether you can improve your diet, sleep, exercise (including being outdoors) and whether you have emotional needs you could be meeting better (including creative pursuits). All of these can help alleviate depression - and sometimes I think short periods of depression aren't necessarily something to be fought. After a big upheaval like a house move, away from friends and family, it is perfectly normal, no matter how many positives there are involved. In that case, be gentle and nurturing with yourself, rest lots, eat well, it should pass. But if you've tried all that (or feel too miserable to try) then maybe a chat with the GP would be a good idea for you too.

Good luck

ps have to dash but will watch the trailer later!

I'm not sure, I have been depressed in the past and I was way worse than this (i.e. feeling totally miserable all of the time). Took about 3 years to get over it that time, and was too stubborn to see a GP which probably was why it took so long ( and when I did see a GP was too scared to say that it was about mood and pretended I was there about something else )

This time my mood is up and down, but not the same numbness as that time that I was depressed in the past. Have seen some pretty awful things at work in the hospital here (children /babies dying a lot here) but don't think I have PTSD as not having any flashbacks or anything. The main problem is feeling demotivated and getting annoyed at myself for not achieving anything.

Well, in the end today I've sent 2 emails for work, and written 2 sentences onto a guideline... and also found a notebook to use to fill in the CBT type diary logs that are in the Overcoming low self esteem book. Do feel a bit better now, but again frustrated that I've wasted nearly all day rather than achieving things.

Why haven't we evolved out of these silly silly mental torturing habits????????

I feel similarly, a lot of the time.

I have just been out for a run. It helps. Not enough.

I also read an article yesterday about the need for rest. So I am going to give it a try,

How about you give yourself the day off the million things and maybe do one nice, small one. And rest. And stop with the self-recrimination. Nothing wrong with doing nothing, sometimes

I am off to the GPs myself right now to see if they have any pearls, if so I will share.

Is the sun shining there? It is here. If it is go and sit in it.

, parrot try not to

Sorry, try not to dwell on what you haven't done, focus on the things you have, we all go through phases of feeling demotivated, an upswing should follow. Give yourself time to adjust to your new home, maybe try and find something enjoyable, that might lead to new friends for you - and practice your music regularly, even if alone

Hiya parrot, just wondered how you were doing today?

Today am doing OK thanks TheRealMary. It's up and down, my mood was really low yesterday due to a couple of things (patient v sick who died yesterday evening in the end, plus a slightly abrasive colleague) but is OK today - tomorrow is my day when not seeing patients so far less stress than a standard day so Thursday evenings am always feeling a bit better.

Have decided tomorrow will go to a coffee shop to try and do work there so at least a change of scene and a bit of social pressure to look like I'm doing something useful.

Having said all that am still procrastinating at the mo and putting off doing anything useful in preference to lurking on MN. Still find the huge amounts of things that need to be improved within the hospital here is overwhelming. Oh and have also decided that we're getting our nanny to look after our daughter til 5pm each day (instead of til 3pm) to give us a bit more breathing space.

I had a LOT of crappy thoughts yesterday which I should have put into the CBT diary but felt too low to face it.

How are you doing TheRealMary? How was the GP?
thinking of you and hoping you're doing better.

Sleep thank you, yes what you say makes a lot of sense (oooh though doesn't chocolate have endorphins right??). I think one of the reasons I'm feeling good tonight is that a friend I bumped into today invited me along to a girly get together weekend this weekend, so have got that booked in now (camping and doing outdoorsy stuff).

Best go, sending big hugs to you both xxx