Is this just tiredmummyitis or depression or what?

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DD2 is 9 months and has never slept through so I know tiredness is playing a huge part here.

But. I'm a right misery. I snap at my DH and DD1 all the time. I'm very irritable. I'm getting less and less sociable. I'm frustrated with most things and just feel so bloody bleugh. I struggle to keep on top of the house, the washing, the food shopping. I'm not engaged enough with the children and spend too long on my phone.

I find it incredibly hard to ask for help and can't actually put my finger on any help that feels like it would make much of a difference. Plus there's the whole pride thing... I feel a bit ashamed as I've got loads to be happy for, yet I'm constantly grumpy.

My friends irritate me, as do my parents. As does DH. He's generally pretty supportive but sometimes emotionally immature which winds me up and then I have to remind myself that I'm responsible for my own happiness, and it's not his fault I'm a grump, not is it his duty to make me feel 'better'.

Is this just the reality of life with two small children?

I'm not sure I could talk to anyone IRL as I just feel so pathetic and like they'll either dismiss me and say it's down to being tired or be judging me thinking that I can't cope or that I'm just a bit crap.

Not sure what I'm hoping to achieve by posting, just had to get it off my chest I guess.

it sounds like you could do with some extra support.

What's your health visitor like? I called mine up when I was feeling how you described and she was brilliant and found lots of extra support for me.

Yes you will be tired with 2 littlies, but you shouldn't feel grumpy at everyone xXx

And by shouldn't I don't mean that it's wrong for you too feel that way, but that it's not just tired mummyitis x

What kind of extra support did you get? I think any kind of kindness might cause me to crumble

My HV referred me to a lovely lady at the childrens centre. My children's centre runs a craft and chat group for PND sufferers which was a lifesaver for me.

My gp has been supportive too x

This was very similar to how I felt last month, completely at my wits' end, two other kids to entertain all day, house to keep up to, trying to fit some secular work in to help DH and a 10, nearly 11 month old who didn't nap and woke every 2/3 hours a night to feed. I was snapping, hated everyone and everything.

I have worked really, really hard on both naps and night sleep and dropped all night feeds pretty much cold turkey (sorry, don't know if you are night feeding) and within six weeks, DD is sleeping two proper naps a day and through the night. Unbelievable and I feel like a different woman. Not shouting, not angry all the time etc. and also able to cope without being stuck to my phone for any sort of adult-ness instead of having to hear another cbeebies thing!

So, my experience of similar is that sleep is the major thing. If it can be fixed, other things will definitely resolve or at least improve.

You're not rubbish at all, it's very, very hard work.