Yesterday I cried non-stop for two and a half hours. I even googled ways to kill myself. I got to work and realised that as soon as someone tried to speak to me I would breakdown so ran out and drove home. The scary thing was driving home I was on auto-pilot and wasn't aware of anything other than the car in front. I've been here before. I knew I was on a slippery slope for weeks ago but this last week has been a nightmare.
After I left work I went to the docs and got some sertraline again (been off it for 2 years) and spent all of yesterday in bed. I was so tired I slept a lot of it (I've been so tired lately) and didn't eat all day.
Today I woke up and after lots of effort I got dressed and started to tidy the house (out of necessity not through want) but once that was done I felt weirdly almost like I was invincible. I started looking at buying a new phone and a load of clothes (money is a big issue for me at the moment in that I have none - I didn't buy any purely cos i couldn't decide which phone I want). I saw some friends and had a few drinks and laughed more than I have done all year put together.
I don't understand; it's like I had my mini 'breakdown' finally just having a good proper cry and releasing all the sadness and frustration so there was none left for today. Worried tomorrow will be the anti climax of today though.