Am I mad???

[Holidayplease1]

So this post has been a long time in the making, been with my partner 9 years my circumstances are rather odd for people to understand but here goes I'm 29 with a 13 year old please don't judge :( I had a rebellious year at 14 that ended up being the start of the of the rest of my life, I've done well for myself always paid my own way good job/house etc, anyway I should be getting married in December to the love of my life or so I think, problem is we can't get on at the min, I feel like whenever I have a issue I'm always told I'm wrong and then past arguments get brought up and I'm reminded of how unhinged I am and next thing I'm apologising without meaning it just to keep the peace and to keep the home stable for my daughter, it can be any argument I'm just so tired of trying to be a good mum and good wife to be plus working 40 hours a week, when I do try and get my point across I'm nuts and I'm really starting to question if I am or not, I'm very confused, I've tried so hard to drop the negative comments and prove I'm not a failure and I now feel like if I cancel the wedding and leave I go right bk down in everyone's estimations sorry that this is such a feel sorry for myself sob story guess I just need a rant

I think you should be questioning why your fiancé is trying to make out your crazy in every argument

Do you have a diagnosed mental health issue or are you just going out with someone who's a bit of a knob?

Because I try to keep a lid on everything then when it comes out its usually an outburst of frustration I make myself look stupid

Other than his opinion is there anything else that makes you feel you might have a mental health problem?

You're not mad, at all! This is a relationship issue, not a mental health one. Does your partner always put you down? You are definitely not a failure, you really need to believe this and reevaluate the relationship

Why are you keeping a lid on it if you're upset/angry/getting wound up?

Are you afraid of expressing it earlier?

No im abit miserable now again but who isn't? He's good to me in most ways I feel like I'd be lost without I'm however I also feel like I have to bite my tongue and keep my feelings to myself, for example yesterday we argued about his work status he's currently working for a company that are going under and they owe him money in my book I walk away and find a new reliable well paid job but when I put this to him we end up in a blazing row which is still going he's walked out tonight gone to a friends bday party then come home and made me feel awful at the fact he's had to come home for me, I can't win either way

I keep a lid on it cus there is no point in rubbish and trying to explain how I feel

That should say I'm rubbish at trying to explain

Why do you have to hide your feelings, he seems able to express his?

Are you worried about winding him up so he starts arguing with you?

It can be hard to express your feelings. Have you asked him to be patient while you have a think about what you're trying to say?

This is ehat I'm asking myself why do I always back down

Yes and he listens but then doesn't really take note of what I'm saying he listens but doesn't hear me, he then will usually throw all my faults at me, I thought it was just a man thing but maybe not

I find it difficult to explain how I feel too, you're not alone in that. But you have many good points and valid opinions. You've brought up a child, when you were only a child yourself!

Are you sure you want to get married? I know it's difficult, you need to think about how you can be on equal terms.

I'm not sure I do now no I thought i did but I feel a little trapped tbh

I think that you need to forget everyone else's opinions. What do you want to do?

I just want to be taken seriously and for my daughter to have a good life which I thought I was providing but I think I'm just hurting myself, I love him to bits but I can't see how this can work if he can't let me be me, he's so stubborn i can't imagine life without him I almost feel like he saved me from myself 9 years ago and I just want to be happy with him but I'm just not at the min

You've grown up a lot since 9 years ago though. You don't actually owe him anything. If you're not happy, DD won't be either.

Look up the term gaslighting; that was the word that came to mind as I read your OP. Anyone who constantly tells you that you are unhinged, regardless of whether you do have genuine MH issues, is being an arsehole.

Please stop second-guessing what everyone else will want, or think of you, and work out what is best for you and your DD.

Your right she's not stupid she knows something is up, bless her, thank you for listening to my rant, I need to sort myself out new chapter maybe although that is s scary thought

It's not as scarey as staying with someone who is trying to convince you that you have mental health problems. Honestly, I've been a lone parent for a long time, it's nice and peaceful

I imagine it's nice and peaceful I sat thinking earlier actually that I should just be on my own cus I can't do relationships. I'm not sure at my age that anyone else my age would have me with a teenager lol ????????

You're only young, plenty of time for relationships. You need to concentrate on you and DD for a bit, I think.

Sending strength to you, I know it's not easy.