Scared of socialising

[sammyjayneex]

Hello

I have a difficulty in socialising with new people and people in general. I get very nervous and anxious. I've been invited out tonight by a mum who used to have her children's in the same school as mine and we have kept in touch via Facebook and she's invited me to her birthday night out. But I'm very nervous at being around people. I don't know what it is. How can I join in and be happy without feeling awkward and anxious. What's the best way to keep conversation going.
I just feel like I will look and act stupid even though I proberly won't. My mother was overprotective when I was a teen so I was never allowed out, I was bullied at school so I had jo friends and I've been a SAHM for 8 years whilst my husband kept up his social life/work/ hobbies so I've basically not had a chance to socialise so now it's alien to me!
Please can i have some advice before I back out

Well done for accepting the invitation.

My advice is ask people lots of questions about themselves and don't worry about talking too much if you feel nervous. Smile, show interest and have a drink to calm your nerves. Find common ground with people if you can, and listen attentively. Don't try to hide the fact you feel shy, many people will warm to you more. Many many people lack confidence in social situations, some hide it by acting loud and confident, others withdraw, so it's about finding a balance.

I used to have social anxiety when I was younger. CBT and NLP helped a lot, as did talking to my friends about it. I also took anti-anxiety meds for a few years. When I told friends about my problem many admitted to having some degree of social anxiety themselves, and we shared tips. Having a few supportive friends who know how you feel and lookout for you in social situations really helps.

Good luck and have fun

Forgot to add, the more you go out and socialise, the easier it becomes. The first few times are the hardest. At least this is a night out, so people will be drinking (and will be less observant if you say/do something awkward), you'll be in busy places with low lighting so will feel less self-conscious, and you can chat to different people.

My rules of thumb for this kind of thing are

• Just go with no expectations, on myself or on anyone else. What will be will be
• That said, go with a positive attitude and a smile on my face
• Mix with people but don't put ANY pressure on myself to 'say the right thing', 'keep the conversation going' etc...
• I don't have to make a 'good impression', being me and being friendly is enough
• Simple opening questions work well for conversational ice breakers, e.g. 'do you live in the area / have you lived here long?' etc
• If the evening turns out to be a good one then great, if not, no worries. It doesn't mean I did anything 'wrong', that's how it goes sometimes.

Have fun! (and take it easy on yourself )