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Mental health

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Original poster

I'm drowning and nobody cares

14 replies

TooManyButtons · 16/04/2015 17:13

I'm so so tired. And miserable. I'm not living, I'm just getting through each day. I'm tired of pretending I'm ok, when I'm not.

OP posts:

Original poster

TooManyButtons · 16/04/2015 17:17

I went into work the other day and just started crying. I thought I'd never stop. I just wanted someone to make everything ok. I had a long chat with my manager, it felt like such a relief to tell someone how I was feeling, and that I'd be able to get help.

I was sent home, had the next day off, then the following day I had to go back to work and act like nothing had happened.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 16/04/2015 17:20

Has something happened thats overwhelming you or have you been feeling like this a while x

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 16/04/2015 17:21

It's an awful feeling. Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel?

Original poster

TooManyButtons · 16/04/2015 17:28

Everything's horrible. My home life, my job, my weight. Everything's too much. I've not seen my GP, I'm going to look for a new job when I find the energy; I don't want it on my record.

My job is demanding and involves giving a lot of myself. I've got nothing else to give. I manage to project a cheerful front at work, but the moment I'm home, I crash.

OP posts:

popalot · 16/04/2015 17:38

What you are talking about is depression. You need to go and see your GP and get some help - medical records are private, you don't have to tell a soul. He might recommend some time off work too, which you are entitled to. If your body was ill you would get some help, wouldn't you? You wouldn't let your body suffer. So don't let your mind suffer either.

Take that first step to feel a bit better. After that you can consider what you want to do about your job and your home life. You won't be able to make any decisions until you take that first step.

Depression can make you feel very lonely, but you are not alone if you just reach out. Also, try samaritans x

Quitelikely · 16/04/2015 17:43

Are you taking any medication at the minute?

Original poster

TooManyButtons · 16/04/2015 17:48

No, I'm not on meds. I know I'm depressed, I just don't feel able to ask for help. I can't take time off work, but that's what I desperately need

OP posts:

Allthewhitehorsesarestillinbed · 16/04/2015 17:53

Hello Buttons, I was you a few months ago. After crashing again and spending days in bed unable to get up, I finally found the strength to get to the GP. I simply said to her, "I think I have depression" and we went from there. I've been up and down over the years and kept coping coping coping until there was nothing left. I hadn't even realised the effect I was having on those around me.

Like you, no one at work would ever guess - all smiles and laughs and not a care. At home I was a tyrant or hiding in the corner.

Although reluctant, I'm on antidepressants and awaiting intensive CBT to sort out the anxiety. It has not been easy at all. I needed to do this for myself and my family. I was starting to become frightened of where I would end up. I tried to explain to someone else having similar issues that you wouldn't walk on a broken leg. A little simplistic, I know, but as a pp has said, you wouldn't ignore a physical health problem in the same way.

I wish you all the best, I understand the difficult path you are on.

Original poster

TooManyButtons · 16/04/2015 18:02

Thank you Allthewhitehorses. I know I need help. I honestly thought I'd get it when I broke down at work. (Now referred to as my "little breakdown" along with jokey comments about me crying at the slightest thing).

I'm scared because I've had suicidal thoughts, and readily have the means to do so. Again, something I confided to my manager.

OP posts:

Natzjessjake14 · 16/04/2015 18:10

Depression isn't something to be ashamed off. The first step is noticing something is up, pluck up the courage to see the Dr. I have many people in my family with depression myself being one of those after I had my first child and I am so glad I went to the Dr I suffered with an eating disorder (not that you would know by looking at me) and the best thing I ever did was saw the Dr for help, you might not see it now but in a few months you will think the same. never be ashamed of yourself for feeling low and having a breakdown. It's unhealthy to keep it all in. Xx

LD29 · 23/04/2015 21:54

How are u OP? Did you go to doctor- it's the best thing I've done. I realised that my kids were suffering and needed their mummy back. And I'm back now

Original poster

TooManyButtons · 26/04/2015 15:55

I've not been to the GP - I've done 4 x 12 hr shifts in a row this week, and although I managed to 'fake it' while at work, I've crashed spectularly this weekend. It's like being at work takes everything I have to give; as soon as I have a day off, I slump.

OP posts:

LD29 · 26/04/2015 18:44

You need some time off work, so that you can get yourself well. Is there any way you could take some sick leave?

ClosedAuraOpenMind · 27/04/2015 00:29

I hope you're ok.....you kinda sound like me just over a year or so ago. and yes, I have depression. I felt like I was living my life two steps removed from everything, felt numb, detached and like I'd never be happy again.
and now I'm doing ok. good days and bad days, but ok
you need to talk to your GP. I was terrified of taking antidepressants, but after the initial few crap weeks they help
take time off work if you need to and can, but I've got a crazy busy job and I've kept working throughout, and my gp told me keeping busy can help in a kind of 'fake it till you make it' way.

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