Disassociation

[dragdownthemoon]

I sometimes feel like I am not real. Like my body isn't really mine. I feel odd, like I am trapped inside this vessel and the whole of "me" is just within my head and my arms and legs etc don't belong to me.

I sometimes wonder if anything around me is real. It's a really horrible, scary feeling. I spoke to my GP she said it is called disassociation. I am on Citalopram for anxiety and depression.

Can anyone relate to these feelings? I feel like I am losing my mind and I am so envious of everyone around me who just manages to be normal and sane

Yes, and it's terrifying. Did your GP explain why this happens? If not I'll try to explain with the disclaimer I'm not a medical professional; not even close :) xx

I get it often. It's horrible.

I find that it is less when I am relaxed, and when I am well rested.

No advice I'm afraid, but wanted to say that I understand.

Hope you're feeling better soon x

No, Marmalade, my GP just said it was part of my anxiety/depression, I am on a waiting list for CBT. I would appreciate hearing your explanation! :) I'm too scared to google ;)

It helps to hear other people feel this way, Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I literally feel like my mind is falling apart sometimes.

My (STBX!)H explained to me that just as your body will work to heal a wound your body works to heal your mind. Very deep wounds often aren't 'felt' and it's the same with emotional pain

You AREN'T losing your mind, I promise your mind is saying 'that's too painful: don't process it yet.' That's what leads to the disassociation. It's most common I believe after trauma but it doesn't have to be. I think just as our bodies can sometimes send incorrect signals your mind can as well. It's like that 'denial' stage of grief - that's a form of disassociation.

I know this sounds really, really but do you ever do yoga? I've found it helps me focus, really focus and I feel more real then. It's difficult in pregnancy, mind!

Thank you, I've never tried yoga but I'm open to trying anything that might help! Will look into local classes. Thanks so much for replying.

If you don't feel up to classes (I don't) DVDs are fine too or YouTube x

I feel kinda pathetic - on paper my life is great, no huge trauma, everything is good. But I have still managed to not cope with everything and I don't know why! I can't explain why I feel like I do and what I have to feel sad or worried about.

I think there is yoga on Wii Fit? W have that :)

Yes, I have got dissociation but it is more of an out of body feeling and slipping into a kind of subconscious nightmare state and not being coherent in thoughts.

It used to happen and I thought I was just overtired, but it happened really badly when I was talking about something traumatic in CBT; it happens when I talk about certain things, I literally feel like my brain cuts out
My CBT therapist suggested meditation, which has helped. She wanted to refer me on for psychotherapy but I can't get it funded on the NHS as I am 'high-functioning' and tbh, not sure if I want to do it - the dissociation I had after that one talk with CBT therapist lasted three full days when I kept going in and out of reality. Horrible.

I found the CBT helpful, so hopefully you will too

Sorry, that was not clear, my CBT therapist explained it was dissociation

Don't be fooled OP into thinking everyone around you is "sane and normal" - many of us manage to hide how we are really feeling and 1 in 6 people are suffering from a MH difficulty at any one time. I understand how you feel though because I suffer from depression which can be severe at times and I hate to see people laughing and being "normal" and just brings it home to me how crap I feel.

Oh rationally I know that not everyone is sane and happy - and I am sure that people would think I am "sane and happy" as I am quite the pretender ;) but it can sometimes feel isolating and irrational though it is I find myself thinking I am the only person who feels like this and wonder why I have allowed myself to get like this. It feels like a personal failure. Which in my better moments i know is ridiculous, I am ill, I wouldn't blame myself for having flu or a stomach bug. But somehow mental illness is different, isn't it.

Absolutely dragdown mental illness is different in so many ways. As if it isn't bad enough, we feel guilty (or even ashamed) and think there must be something we can do to make ourselves better, and NO we don't feel like that with physical illness. It's just another damn trick our mind plays on us I reckon. I hate anyone (other than DP and close woman friend) seeing me when I was very depressed (even my CPN!) because I feel embarrassed as I tend to cry and get shakey and can't hold a conversation. It's a rubbish illness.

Yes, I have this. I have dissociative amnesia from a traumatic event seven years ago and have it and PTSD. I have always been very frightened of my dissociation; I've been having CBT for just over a year now and I don't dissociate much anymore, but am still quite scared of how powerful and strong it can be. People have told me it is a protective measure and it's a good thing, but I am still wary of it and not yet fully convinced. Rationally I know they are right, but I'm still scared and am hoping that as time goes on I'll come to better terms with it.

My therapist taught me several 'grounding' techniques that can bring me back to the 'here and now', and they have helped enormously. Counting things of different colours works well for me - how many red things can I see, how many yellow, how many blue (my daughter learnt how to count from a very young age ). Also, exercise is absolutely essential; I run, swim, yoga and go to climbing walls. Anything that increases my contact with my physical surroundings and gets me focused. I will also actively seek out company if I am alone and feel myself starting to 'wobble'. Just a simple chat with the postman or random stranger about the weather can be enough to bring my focus back. And good self care is also essential - I struggle with it much more when tired or stressed.

Take care, but also take heart...it is frightening but there is much that can be done to help.

Second grounding techniques or mindfulness also very helpful and you can learn this from tapes etc

You could try describing in detail (out loud or in your head) your physical environment eg colours and textures of objects, how the chair feels against your legs, sounds that you can hear. If you concentrate hard on doing that for a set period of time it can help the feeling to go away.