PTSD

[Clarella]

Hi

I think I've got a type of ptsd linked to my experiences at university struggling with my health.

I was told I was depressed and became worse after starting anti ds (seroxat). Later I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. But the mental damage and damage to my social interaction etc was huge. I've came very paranoid/ social anxious and felt a complete waste of space, though now I know my inability to function was due to thyroid. Housemates were not supportive I guess and turned against me.

I wanted to die but felt it was a failure. But I was a failure already!

Although I became extremely determined and successful when then dogged by what I know know was thyroid issues I guess I became extremely frightened again - does this make sense?

My coping mechanism was to keep going, but this took its toll, mh wise. Then I'd recover and try to wipe it all from my memory.

Unfortunately lots of things went tits up in pregnancy and since - again I was told "take ads" and again I became very ill as they complicated issues with my thyroid. I've again been so weak I could barely walk but kept trying to pretend nothing was wrong/ was told nothing wrong, till it was clear there was and why. Basic anaemia. Hasn't helped that DH began to tell me I was making myself ill/ couldn't comprehend how ill I was. (This is a separate issue)

I've had a CBT assessment today and the woman couldn't work out how to help me. But I rambled and said I need help being assertive and I feel I have ptsd. But couldn't remember why. Because I block it out.

Can this be?

I'm not depressed, only feel terribly afraid when I have to talk about my illness and how I am (pretend I'm fine but then struggle to explain why I can't do something so I just avoid)

I don't seem to be able to disconnect the past and the early experiences.

I've also been diagnose jhs which explains why I waste away easily. And I've been told about CFS style pacing etc which really helps. I needed it all back then.

His counsellor said she couldn't see how she could help CBT wise. And would speak to s colleague who's a psychiatrist. Half of me thought I don't need counselling as I know about how I react to symptoms flaring (anxiety) and kind of now know how to approach it both CBT wise (distraction, collect thoughts) and physically (flare plan - physio has been really helpful)

Unfortunate

• this counsellor.

Sorry stupid phone app.

So I'm not sure what to do. I'm not depressed, I know this.

I have a fear of talking to people about my illness.

Maybe this woman was a bit shit?!

I guess - could this be PTSD but a subtle version linked to experiencing this stuff and not being able to explain it, understand it, ask for help?

I just assumed I was lazy waste of space and this is what others thought. (Which uni mates did)

At times I suppose I've had health anxiety but it's not really that - I feel threatened by anything thyroid related, under attack. And when ever I've blythly ignored it and just carried on I've totally crashed and become VERY ill. So I feel I have to be vigilant. I'm getting better now both anxiety, vigilant and health wise but the apprehension of speaking to people (esp at work) and just about it generally makes me feel sick sometimes.

I don't think I'm making sense?

A psychiatrist can diagnose accurately so why not ask for referral and then correct treatment?

Thanks :)

A lovely simple answer. I think actually this is what I originally was referred for. I'm sure I discussed it on the phone.

I don't think the woman today could get me. I was rambling.

Brief Google of ptsd here seems to indicate a need to avoid things. I can't really avoid my health or telling people when I'm not well. Makes me feel sick to do so.

I think I'll ask for psych referral re ptsd or if just anxiety linked to dealing with stuff like this.

I have no issues with any other health related issue. I once said I have a phobia of being tired to my gp. I used to / still get very anxious about tiredness because I may struggle to cope with what I have to do, but people don't really listen to 'I'm tired' (work place etc) as everyone gets tired. But this is s different tired.