Help explaining depression to DH

[Whitehydrangea]

For those who have discussed this with DH what did you say? What did you ask them for in terms of what they can do to help? How did they react?

DH is a "fixer" so he struggles with feeling helpless where I say there isn't anything specific he can do to help - he wants actions and plans. He doesn't understand my reluctance to go on meds as to him the pills will 'fix me'. He just doesn't understand depression and is in the 'well just cheer up' camp. For example when I told him this morning I didn't fancy going for a drink from work he said "well let's just stay in and be miserable then shall we". He doesn't get that just getting out of bed and going to work is a struggle at the moment as I would love nothing more than to stay in bed and hide from the world. I'm not in a small talk mood. What can I say to help him understand?

That depression is an illness not a lifestyle choice. That for some people, medication works really well. Whilst others can manage it without. Pills can help but getting to the root of the problem is more helpful.

My dp is supportive but i don't think he will ever really get it.

DH doesn't get it either. Are there any self help groups for depression? perhaps he could attend some meetings with you to gain an understanding, or maybe he can utilise the MH section here to get a better understanding. I do think no mater how much you explain it, him he will get it sadly.

I can just imagine him thinking, "yeah many times i don't feel like getting out of bed for work either". He doesn't get the feeling of the walls coming in on you, how you feel such a heaviness that you can't move, the longing to just die where you lie,

This helps me:

www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-sentences-people-with-depression-hate-hearing-the-most.html

My DP suffers from depression borne out of anxiety, and for someone like me who is the epitome or perspective, this article has been quite an eye opener. It goes against my way of thinking in its entirety, and that's the important thing to learn to understand.

DP has just gone back on the pills as he wasn't getting what he needed from a counsellor. I'd prefer him to have counselling, but am very much appreciative of him needing to feel comfortable with that person. Until he finds that person, pills will just have to do.

My dh has depression and I don't, it is so hard to understand if you don't suffer from it. There is a video on YouTube called something like my black dog, I found it really enlightening and it helped me gain some understanding.

It sounds quite silly but I found a blog called hyperbole and a half, it's written with some humour and illustrated by the woman who writes it and I found it really summed up a lot of how I felt about my depression and I particularly identified with how she described the hopelessness it causes and insidious way it sneaked in.

My DP read it when I was really bad and said it helped him to understand more why I couldn't just snap out of it. He was always supportive and understanding but I think it helped him to see someone else writing about what I had been trying to describe.

I know everyone's depression experience will be different but hopefully this might be something that helps?

I can't link on my phone but if you Google Hyperbole and a half Depression you should find it easily.

I hope you find yourself in a brighter place soon.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

Those are all really helpful. Thank you everyone.