So lots of people around me have been having babies. Thrown my own situation into sharp focus (newly married, already getting baby questions). I'm completely 100% sure that something awful will happen if I have a child. My body won't cope and I will lose all pregnancies (no physical reasons to think this other than some colposcopy treatment recently) or my baby will be born and I will have no idea what to do or how to care for them and nobody will be there to help me and my baby will die. I will be so horrifically bad that my husband will leave me, my family wont want to know me and someone will take my baby away.
I feel like I want to have a child but that I dont deserve to because of how much of a horrible parent I will be. My sister in law had a baby on Saturday and was left alone and in pain for hours with no one to help her or so much as show her how to change a nappy. I would literally have run away. I will never be as good as her and hubbys family will think I'm unfit to be a mother and he will leave me.
I hate being like this and want nothing more than to be normal and get on with it li?e other women seem to be able to. My husband 100% deserves better than me.