Enjoying life/feeling happy??

[TellyBelly]

So it was when someone asked me what makes me happy and I realised nothing did. And what would make me happy - nothing would. And what was I looking forward to - the answer nothing (apart from sleep). This was done in an argument, so wasn't really a caring or considerate conversation.

If you asked me if I was depressed, I'd say no I felt down. But I can't remember the last time I didn't feel down. All I can remember feeling is tired, and always feeling that wherever I am or whatever I am doing it should be something or somewhere else?

This isn't normal is it? I don't know if I'm being a fake when others seem to be really suffering.

I'm functioning, I have a decent job which I do well, I have 2 DS who are relatively well behaved and achieving academically, I have no money worries and no other significant health worries, but happiness is important? When's it right to go to docs and not feel like a cheat?

You sound unhappy with your life so definitely time to change something in my opinion! Try doing a PHQ9 questionnaire - you can Google for it - and see what the result is. This is a diagnostic screening tool used by the M&S.

Have you ever felt happy or enjoyed something? Do you do anything you don't have to because you just like doing it? (also known as a hobby or interest!). The problem I had with the MH questionnaire was that it refers to a specific time period so my answers would not indicate a problem as I had always felt down, always not interested in things etc

You can have felt like this for so long that you can't remember any different. Would you say you felt disengaged with life, your children, numb, neutral, apathetic etc? Most likely it could be some kind of depressive disorder but physical reasons could be thyroid dysfuntion or anaemia. Have you heard of dysthymia? It has similar sounding symptoms to what you describe & as soon as I read about it (from learning of it on MN) I felt I had it, rather than "bog standard" depression. I mention it because it is not widely known of.

If you make an appointment with a GP to explain they should investigate physical causes (questioning, blood tests etc) & possibly offer medication. I personally didn't like the idea of ADs from my GP & found that seeing a psychiatrist was much more useful. It took me ages from reading stuff on MN & to begin actively addressing my status (as in years) so don't waste any more time & make an appointment to start investigating whether it can be changed.