Gotta sort my life out.

[SomeScarsNeverFade]

I have schmo affective disorder which is bipolar 1 and schizophrenia, I am a severe sexual abuse victim by multiple people as young as age 8. My mother neglected me and my dad was a drug addict.

My husband was abusive and we have three dc all with sn one severe and I did all their caring single handedly for years.

My boyfriend who usually takes care of me is going to rehab because he has got addicted to heroin.

But my problem is I can't look after my kids it's too painful and as soon as my alotted visit times are over I'm in so much agony I just go from house party to house party doing drugs as it lets me forget about the pain of not seeing my kids.

But I'm never gonna get them back if I don't stop and fight I stead of using the drugs to hide from the pain.

Hun this sounds really really tough. It's also a very delicate subject.
I can only imagine it must very difficult to sort of snap out of a vicious circle when it comes to drugs whichever they are. The only thing I can say to you is that although it's difficult if you focus on the outcome, (your family back) you will gain a lot of strength you never thought you have.
YOU NEED TO GET YOUR KIDS BACK
They need anybody but you and their daddy for now. It's all down to you. Think abiut a family meal with your husband and kids at a table sharing stories. That's what you want to see in the future.

You can do this. Have a chat with a GP to let them know how difficult you're finding it to manage alone and they will help you.
Xx

I meant to type "your kids don't need anybody but you and their daddy" *