is it babies making me ill?

[MumWithCamera]

Background - I'm suffering from depression and anxiety, on ad and having therapy.

I've just realised that the days that I'm most anxious and miserable are the days when I have ds (15 months). He is always making a mess and whining when we are at home. He's better when I take him out but runs off, runs into places he shouldn't like flowerbeds or falling over and injuring himself. Its exhausting.

I had a day out with just dd (4) the other day as it was a birthday treat and it was great, I felt like a different person .

When dd was younger I did struggle with the baby/early toddler stage but not as bad as now with ds.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong. But d this stage is making me feel so miserable, I hate to say it but I just want him to be 3 already. We are having a day today the 3 of us without DP and I feel like the only time I don't feel angry and /or anxious is when ds is on the buggy when he's quite quiet. He's supposed to be having a nap now but I can hear he's not gone to sleep.

Wonder if anyone else has had mental health problems specifically with this stage? I feel so terrible and so trapped at the mo.

I honestly feel for all you young moms on here that are struggling with depression/anxiety and other MH issues and have to care for small children. I suffer from dep/anx which can be severe but I am a grandmother and even the grandchildren are not babies any more - youngest is 5. On my bad days I can't even be bothered with the cats!

I know you young moms just have to plod on as you've no other option, but I totally get how you feel MWC - I always think the stage between 1 and 2 is one of the most difficult anyway, as they are on the move but need watching all the time and it's exhausting if you are in good health. I'm sure you're not doing anything wrong and why should you feel bad for wishing he was 3 already. I think boys can be more difficult than girls too, so maybe that's a contributory factor.

Does your ds sleep ok at night, as it's really important you get a good night's sleep. My neighbour has 3 boys under 6 and is struggling with dep/anx and I so wish I could help out more but been having a very crap time lately, and I can see how exhausted she is - she has a good DH but he works full time so the child care falls to her of course.

Take heart - ds will grow up (the days go slowly but the years go fast) and you will regain good mental health.

I totally relate to your post. I suffer from anxiety/depression and I loved having babies but I think it was, looking back, pretty bad for my mental health. My youngest (of three, oldest now nine) is now three, nearly four and things have turned round in the last year or two. I have also finally accepted medication, and citalopram has been nearly miraculous, and am also now on medication for my recently diagnosed adhd, so that plays a part. However, reading your post made me realise that I never, ever truly relaxed with my babies, and naps and time away from them were critical, to a degree that I look back on in wonder.

I now don't panic if I have a day alone with all three, whereas the time between school and bedtime seemed endless before. In fact I enjoy some, at least, often most of my time with them.
It can and will get better, and their age is a critical factor in this

I have three kids, youngest 11 months. Feel very low today. But then I had spells like this with the older two when they were babies. So I wonder this too. And yes nap time and breaks are sacred.

Thanks, I'm interested what was it about their behaviour which you found so difficult? Trying to put this into words for myself.

I think it might be about lack of control of my life or feeling trapped because there are lots of things that seem impossible / too difficult. Went for a picnic today and it was not enough fun to herd up ds and stop him doing something wrong/dangerous every second.

Totally understand that feeling of being trapped because certain activities seem impossible or difficult. And the constant herding

I often asked myself whether it was PND that rendered me unable to cope with a baby/toddler, or whether it was the baby/toddler making me depressed. I still don't know the answer. I know I prefer an articulate 3.5 year old to any stage that came before.

I'm now expecting #2 and am pretty scared about how I'll cope.

It was all sorts of things, really. I used to worry that I was not being a good mother and so really the only time I got respite from that was when they were asleep.