Overcoming anxiety and the feeling that you're going to be told off?

[CarpeJugulum]

I'm guessing it's quite common?

Had a lovely DM who, through issues of her own, I used to get rows from quite frequently. Mainly about the usual childhood mess, and things not being tidy. I'm learning to cope with a "not pristine" house (although DH would be happy in slobsville so this is an ongoing compromise).

However, I'm struggling with the feeling that if I do something "wrong" that someone (unspecified, not really dh) will come along and I'll be in trouble - the sinking stomach, the panicking clamminess all rear their heads.

I'm really not coping at the moment as we're moving shortly so going in to lofts etc and DH asks if I know what up there and I can't remember- and I feel sick and stressed in case he yells - he wouldn't, but that would have been my historical "norm" from my DM.

So, other than making lists of what's where in the new house (already planned as it will be a lot more inaccessible), how can I tackle the feeling of being a child and not wanting a row?

I don't know the answer - but I do know what you are talking about. It still happens to me, even though I'm nearly 50. I say to myself, 'get a grip, you're a grown up now'. It might be an idea to tell your DH how you are feeling and make a gentle joke of the 'scared of being told off' feeling. Is he able to do that for you?

DH knows because I've told him, but he is a very logical man (not a bad thing) so tries to analyse/sort it, which I can't do with a "don't be daft" response.

What about him saying things like 'do you want telling off now or later?' in a jokey way, or 'the punishment for this is having to have a nice cup of tea?' Or is he just not that kind of person at all?

CarpeJugulum yes, very common. My DM still goes into meltdown if things are not in their place etc. Things have to get put away immediately, so even if you are still finishing your meal at the table, things are being packed away around you. Very stressful to be a party to, and I feel that I have been "conditioned" to meet this quite frankly preposterous ideal. I always feel like I am going to get told off by "someone", if I 've not dusted, done the washing etc. However, I have realised recently that there's only me who's judging and only me who's actually bothered and I shouldn't feel so bad about stuff. I have 2 small boys and I'd rather spend time with them, than spending my free time turning my house into a show house. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's not all on your shoulders. I always feel a bit panicky if I can't remember where something is, as I feel it is my duty to know where something is. However, I'm getting better now, as I think to myself "nobody has died. It is not important in the grand scheme of things". Your DM was like that, and that was her choice to be like that. You don't have to be like that. It's a hard habit to break, but you are your own person. No one will shout if you can't remember what is in a loft/ don't have boxes unpacked within 24 hours of moving house etc. Make the lists and the usual things for moving house, but don't put unnecessary stress on yourself. Enjoy your new house xx

No, DH is programmed to solve things unfortunately. Great for logistics and organising - not so much for emotional responses.

thisissohard yes, conditioning is the exact description; 22ish years of DM aiming for perfection.

I love lists, they reduce the world to manageable chunks, so that's how I'll get through the move I think!