I have schizoaffective disorder which is schizophrenia and bipolar 1 and I am a severe abuse victim, I was sexually abused age 8-9 my first boyfriend sexually abused me age 13-15 and my husband physically and emotionally abused me age 17-26. So all my boyfriends have abused me, except the one I just lost to drugs.
I wasn't allowed to leave the house when I was with my husband and wasn't allowed friends but I be honest I do smoke weed and used to be allowed to go to a dealers house to collect. I spent three years in a psychotic depression unable to leave the bed for more than half hour.
When I was going back and for the dealers house I made a friend I'll call him friend A at first I just chatted for ten minutes when picking up, we were texting loads he did ask for sex but I said no, then he introduced me to his best friend who I'll call friend B they were born two weeks apart and grew up next door so very close.
Friend B has schizophrenia we grew close and even though my husband was punishing me for going out I kept going and I was managing to stay out longer and longer with friend B. He understood my illness completely and he helped me take steps to the point I was spending whole days out of bed. Because of all the abuse and my mum neglecting me I never allowed myself to love anyone but my dad(sadly no longer here) but I realised that slowly I had fallen in love with friend B. Friend B confessed to loving me and had been begging me for weeks to leave my abusive husband.
So I went home and told my husband I was leaving, he locked me in the house and took my phone. As friend B was ringing I managed to snatch the phone and scream come get me before my husband took it.
I be honest friend B was a professional boxer and does have a violent criminal record and so my husband was scared and left this was September Friend B came and got me and all my stuff and I moved in with him.
He was living with friend A. But neither me or friend A were down as living there. Anyway I started going out with friend B. I loved him to pieces where before I'd self harm daily and make weekly suicide attempts that all stopped and I was happy, even though none of my family were speaking to me for leaving my husband I was truly happy.
Then 6 weeks ago I had a bad day and took a overdose while my new partner was out for the day. By the time he came home I was fine and obviously hadn't taken enough I was scared of being admitted so didn't want to ask for new meds cus then they would know but at the same time I needed meds.
My partner who takes the same anti psychotic said he had spare so he gave me two weeks worth.
The following day we found out my husband had found me and grassed me and friend A up for living with my Dp. So there was no choice but for me and friend A to leave.
As friend A had no where to go and my mum would only take me in, even though my dp begged me while crying to go home and leave friend A to fend for himself. But I couldn't leave him on the streets alone so I didnt.
After a week I collapsed and was taken to hospital it was discovered I was pg but miss carrying even though it was bad timing my dp and me were very upset my mum took me home and I left friend A. That was 9 days ago well Since then I noticed a change in my dp he wouldn't meet up in person, or speak on phone he would only text.
2 days ago he broke down and told me he can't be with me anymore because he has to go to rehab and it's far away, I asked what drug and he said he has only told his mam and dad this but he owed me the truth so he confessed it was heroin.
I asked why and he said he isn't blaiming me because it's not my fault it was all his choices and that's what led him here, he said he didn't have two weeks spare meds he gave me his own and went on a episode that combined with how stressed he was at me on the streets was why he started, then after I collapsed he said it took over him and now he has to go rehab.
I haven't slept since and I haven't stopped crying, the thought of my beautiful man putting that filthy shit in his body is killing me. I love him so much he kept saying he was sorry he let me down and sorry it has to end like this.
I'm broken everytime I have a problem I am halfway through typing it out to him before I remember. He is the only man not to abuse me, if I was mentally ill he would carry me and a cover into the living room put the music on for me and get me snacks and do all the cleaning, he would talk me down when I was unwell, I miss him so much. He may not be perfect and yes he has a dark side but he has never treated me with anything other than kindness and respect.