I don't want to be a mum anymore

[MummySparkle]

I can't do it, and in totally exhausted. I don't know where to turn to for help. I'm still waiting to hear from the MH team and the other people involved with us are all in communication with a social worker, and that not really what I can say to them.

I just can't do it anymore. It's relentless and I never get a break from them. I love my DCs dearly, but I just haven't got any energy left to be a mum anymore

They've been and gone.

I spoke to the crisis MH team about the incident that lead to SS being involved in the first place, and it got reported through as a new incident, hence the concerned phone call this morning.

It was just my usual SW and SW assistant that came, no scary new people.

They were really nice, made sure I was okay and organised for MIL to come and look after the DCs today so I can rest a bit. And they wanted to make sure I would be safe at home. OH and I had a heart-to-heart on the way to A&E and I put the tools in a bin at the petrol station.

The SW assistant is coming out again next week.

I've promised OH that I won't do it again. This is it now, no more. It's goingn to be so so hard, but I have to for the sake of my family. Poor DS has been tired and worried about me today, I feel horribly guilty, but I have to draw a line under it and try and get my life under control.

We are out with the dogs at the moment and then going to buy ourselves a dishwasher, MIL is going to give us the money for one, so that will help.

I need to find some strength from somewhere. I have to.

Im so glad it went well for you!

I think drawing a line under this and starting fresh is a brilliant way to look at it. You cant change what has happened, just take one day at a time now.

Im so glad mil is coming to give you a rest, thats just what you need.

Im actually jealous of your dishwasher! i would give my left arm to have one, i bloody hate washing up!

Hopefully now you will get some more support and can start to recover a little. Please dont be too hard on yourself, no-one is perfect, you are doing your best.

Has anyone discussed the possibility of seeing a doctor for a medication review? I wonder if you maybe need something more/different?

I had a medication review a month or so ago from the consultant at the perinatal MH team. She started me on the Quetiapine then. She doesn't think that sertraline is the right drug for me, but also doesn't want to alter things whilst I'm in crisis - it's a bit lose / lose at the moment.

I still haven't heard from the local MH team. I've asked for a call back from my GP to see if he knows any more.

OH has been speaking to the MH teams for me. Turns out my new CMHT can't see me until they have had a face-to-face handover with my old CMHT. My old CMHT are unable to do that until 22nd April - two more weeks away. The worst thing is I've never actually met my so-called CPN from my old area. Aside from my past history and notes there is nothing to hand over, and there is no point me meeting him for support for just 2 weeks. I really struggle to build up trust and relationships. It's just ridiculous. By the end of April it will be 3months since I've moved. 3 months of no support whatsoever and I canr hold myself together for another 2 weeks. What else can I do save sch aiming myself to their MH centre??!

Can you get back in touch with your social worker and see if they can help? that is beyond poor From the mh teams. Not on at all :(

Sorry I thought I'd replied last night. I was utterly exhausted last night, a combination of being up all night the night before, and having to take my psych meds at the wrong time which then sedated me. I fell asleep before I could take last night's dose, so I'm feeling quite anxious / tingly today, but I can't take them now as I have to drive today.

Already the thoughts of harming are creeping back in, but I can't put my family through a repeat of the other night. I promised them. It's making me contemplate other ways of doing things that won't affect them / without my OH knowing

DD will not fall asleep anymore. I am exhausted and I can't listen to her crying, but she won't feed to sleep

Will she settle with a cuddle and some quiet music/DVD? Not ideal but you need the rest.

Where is your dp can he not sit with dd while you sleep?

The only way she will settle is in her car seat in front of the TV I know that's really bad, but I don't have the energy right now to teach her any other way of doing it.

I feel exhausted this morning, I've got lots to do but I just want to go back to bed. I've got the DCs whilst OH is at work, and he wants me to tidy th house (house really needs it) I know I don't have the energy for it.

Try little five minute blocks of tidying. it's amazing what you can get done if you only have to do it for five minutes at a time. Set a timer and stop when it goes off, then do it again after 20 mins.

It works for me when I feel like I just can't do it.

That's a good idea. I've got to go for a drive now to feed some cats, but 5 mins of tidying then 10mons of DCs might work. I will use the timer on my phone.

There is a mountain of washing up to be done. New dishwasher arrives tomorrow, that means o can leave it all for the dishwasher right?! I'll stack it neatly and clean / tidy the rest of the kitchen and wash up what we need for today.

I'm going to treat myself to drive-thru McDonald's en route to the cats :)