Am I bein too precious on this one?

[Mummymonster]

OK folks, I need a moan or some advice.

As you might be aware from othher threads, I have MS. It's not too bad but it does affect my life now and then (ATM now!)

My husband has been doin 10+ hr days at the office for 2.5 months and I've been tryin to be supportive but I do think the office is takin the mick and he should stand up for himself more.

Well i'm in bad time mode right now and I've had to rip a strip off him as he doesn't know when he'll be home tonight (!) as I'm left with mr active 3 yr old DS again. He says he'll take the rest of the week off as a favour to me.

I had to see the GP this morning and my MIL looked after DS while I was there and she could do it as she'd asked SIL to take her dauhter to school as a favour.

I'm really angry at these attitudes. I try not to impose on people but to have everything positioned as a 'favour' really gets to me. Am I being ungrateful? Why do I have to feel like I'm putting on people and I am in their debt?

please feel free to slap me round the legs but I needed to rant.

Thanks

it is crappy when they make you feel like you are putting them out, or you owe them, etc.

I think lots of us feel like you!!!

sorry you're feeling bad, and I think you should get more support from your dh, but your MIL and SIL are doing you favours aren't they? Yes you're ill, and do need help, but it's not their responsibilty to give it to you. I think you're (quite reasonably) a little sensitive at the moment.

Can you say,"thanks so much for your help, I really do appreciate it" and leave it at that? If they sense that you think that the should be helping you out, they may be less likely to offer on another occasion.

My problem is why is it a favour to me and that SIL is bein put out by taking her own child to school?

I always thank everyone a great deal for the help they offer but I don't need to feel beholden to a third party.

yep i'm a bit touchy at the moment but I don't ask for much more help than anyone else so why should I feel guilty?

i think you sound quite 'healthy' (emotionally). whenever i need help i feel soooooo guilty about it. is it poss that you are feeling bad and seeing it as 'favours' rather than them making out it is a favour?! it is good that you should expect help from your extended family. do they fully understand your symptoms and how it goes up and down etc. so that you need more help sometimes? your child is your mil's grandson and as such she does have a responsibility for him. don't know how close you are to family in law, but it's probably good to get 'vulnerable' and tell them you need help at the moment, rather than get angry.

Cheers Ellieorange, that makes so much sense. That is exactly how I feel about it. When I have bad times I feel so vunerable and I hate asking for the help I really need. My mindset is 'I've got this disease for the rest of my life and I don't want to use up my goodwill tokens now as I may need them later'
I need to learn to be able to request assistance when I need it without feeling burdensome or a nusiance. I have 3-4 flare ups per year so I don't do it too often really. Everyone needs support at some time.

Oh Plus side, DH has taken 3 days holiday to look after DS so i can have a break. The office keep ringing and he did 2 hrs this morning while DS was at nursery and told them He's not going in until Tuesday at the earliest. I think that's a result under the circumstances.

Glad the dh has come up trumps. Don't worry about 'using up' goodwill. Love is beyond all that, and I hope your family in law love you, certainly that they love your dh and your son. Hope this flare-up doesn't last too long, and that you feel better soon. Incidentally, I think it is good for kids to have a 'not 100%' parent...teaches a lot if you deal with it 'well' (ie. honest, vulnerable yet positive). Mmmm....bit deep for a Fri night, but illness has a way of cutting through. Take care