I want to cry

[Ekkwhine]

As the title says really, I just want to cry. I'll try and explain as rationally as possible but I apologise if it seems a bit rambley.

I've got 3dc, 6, 3 and 3 months. My 3 year old is hard work at the best of times, but at the moment they seem ten times worse. I don't know if it just seems this way as I've just had enough. Nothing I do seems good enough for the two older ones, they just whinge and moan about everything.

My dh keeps making comments about our lack of sex life, when I eventually get the kids all asleep I just want to sit and be left alone, I don't want yet another person making demands of me. Everybody just wants something all of the time. If I do manage to be alone I'm not, as I can't be far from the baby as he's exclusively breast fed.

I'm sat in tears during a rare moment if quiet. All day the kids have fought, argued, shouted, they're probably bored, I tried doing activities with then all the time but it's never good enough, I can't face attempting to take them out by myself as they'll play up. The middle one won't even go for a walk without tantrumming if we don't go in the right direction. The baby's latched on as it's the only way I can get him to sleep through all the damned noise they're making.

It looks silly seeing it written down, but from about 7am until 10/11pm, sometimes later I'm just battling. Battling them, battling the urge to cry. I'm snappy, moody, I'm awful in the morning, but I can't sleep at night, I'm constantly waking up to check the baby, even if he sleeps through.

I just don't know what to do to get rid of these feelings of overwhelming sadness.

Ignore. It's really trivial. Reported to be deleted

Hey Ekkwhine,

First

Second, feel free to have a good moan on here, there are some lovely lovely people here and I've got some time before my own toddling dictator wakes up.

Thirdly, I know it sounds like just another thing on the to do list, have you thought about talking to your GP? I was really struggling at the beginning of the year and my GP was the first step to getting me better. They can give you a shoulder to cry on, talk through your options and it may even help to get your DP fully on board.

Fourthly, if you have reinforcements, time to give them a ring, even if you really don't want to.

If it's enough to get you typing, it's really not trivial.

Have you considered talking to your GP?

It does sound like depression, and it's not trivial, you have 3 DCs and it can be overwhelming.

Definitely not silly.

I agree with the depression suggestion. When my GP suggested that I was depressed I was horrified, but actually now I realise that's it's just something that happens sometimes. There is all kinds of things you can do to make yourself feel better and I bet it doesn't feel like that right now does it?

Oh god why on earth do you think this is trivial Ekk - it isn't at all and it sounds like you are unsurprisingly mentally and physically exhausted and small wonder with 3 under 6 and a DH who doesn't seem to understand how tiring it is to care for small children.

Could you possibly have PND - it certainly sounds like you could be depressed and I second seeing the GP about the way you are feeling. It certainly isn't silly at all - and don't battle the urge to cry as sometimes this can break the tension.

I'm not a young mum but a grandmother and I suffer from depression which can be severe at times and on bad days I can't even cope with 2 cats let alone 3 young children. It's tough, but there will be brighter times ahead - the children will grow, and you will be ok, but you need to get some help now. Does your DH help with the kids. Do you have any RL support with them, someone to take them off your hands for a while, a mom, MIL, other relative/friend. I know it's the school holidays which might be making things worse as I assume the 6 year old is at school and the 3yr old entitled to 2.5 hours a day free nursery place?

Be kind to yourself and go see your GP. You won't be telling him/her anything they haven't heard hundreds of times before. Or talk to your HV maybe - but the GP can prescribe anti-depressants and there are ones that you can take while breastfeeding. Is there any time in the day (in term time) when you can nap for an hour while the baby is sleeping.

Sending warm wishes.

You need some help. Have you thought about home start. They provide volunteers who visit you at home and help you. I had a lovely volunteer who just listened to me and played with the children. She was the best thing ever. I could not have coped without her. it was confidential as well. You can google yr local Home-Start and self refer.

My volunteer joy would ask each time she came how she could help. She played with the children, giving me time to have a bath or sometimes catching up with a sleep or came with me to appointments. I could not have got through a difficult time without her. [flowers]

Thanks for replying everyone

I don't think it's pnd, I've had no problems bonding at all with LO or anything, it's just been a rough few weeks and it all just came pouring out I think. I'm fine now the kids are in bed, I'm just catching up on some laundry and bits and bobs.

DH is quite helpful, he'll put the elder two in bed etc if he's here, it's his comments that are getting to me, but it's not his fault, it's stuff I'd actually normally laugh at, I'm just a tad oversensitive at the minute.

I was feeling really anxious and my stomach was just a knot, it was as though I was waiting for something, I couldn't even go to the loo without one of them following me and climbing in the bath, pulling the towels down etc. everytime I stopped trying to get on to have a drink if I put it down for a second the LO would grab it and drink it. He was on the sideboard trying to get pictures off the wall every single time my back was turned, then screaming when taken down. My eldest kept talking, that's all she was doing, nothing 'wrong' but she would not stop, not for a second, and I had a house that looked (looks) like it's been burgled, a baby attached to my chest almost continuously, had to keep getting up and getting the 3 year old out the bath, out the kitchen, off the window sill, off the table, out the drawers, and he was throwing things and screaming, and the other was talking and I hadn't eaten/drunk/pee'd even and dh was working late again and there was no end in sight.

My 3 year old doesn't go to nursery yet. I'm currently battling to get him assessed as I'm genuinely concerned there's an issue, that he's possibly on the autism spectrum, amongst other things he's non verbal, which is partly where his frustration comes from I think.

So now how much worse do I seem? There's a reason for his behaviour potentially and I just wanted to hide from him and cry earlier. Some days, quite a few actually.

I think I need to calm down, stop worrying about the baby and allow myself to sleep, I'd probably be able to face the days better then.

No, I don't really have good enough friends to rely on. I thought I did, then she made friends with someone else. Silly as it sounds. I didn't bother again as it was too much like school, I didn't realise it was one friend and one friend only round here lol.

No family either, that's also sad, as I have close family members on the same street. But I asked for help a couple of weeks ago as I had a d&v bug, which made me feel pretty rough with BF'ing as well. I was really struggling, so I asked if they could have my 3 year old just for an hour while I tried to stop throwing up and got some fluids back into me as I was home alone with him and the baby, but they'd had a late night and was going for a nap

Morning Ekk,

Hope you had plenty of sleep last night

Pressed too soon!

I know how it is when you don't feel like you have enough help, I'm a long way from my family so it's just me, DS and nursery. You must be a total warrior managing three

That should say DH, not DS. I wish he could look after himself

Have some
Sounds like its been building up for a while - not helped by the fact that you did (quite reasonably) turn to family for help and they didnt
I think you need to be much kinder to yourself. You are doing a hell of a lot and you've still got a tiny baby.
Agree with the others re talking to gp/HV/homestart.
Hope things ease off really soon.