Think I might be suffering from anxiety (long)

[wheretogonext]

Hi,

This is my first post here and apologies if it is long - I have a lot of emotions I want to get out and, reading other messages, this seemed like a supportive place to start.

I have always been a worrier, and am often afraid of making mistakes or doing something wrong or looking silly. Recently, I have felt that I have made progress with forcing myself to recognise this and move on anyway. One of things that I have devoted a lot of time to is volunteering at a local club and I ended up as chair of the organising committee. I had so many things I wanted to do and believed I could do but I also inherited a situation with a neighbouring organisation that has a lot of history and emotion to it.

I was in a position where I was having to pursue a course I wasn't entirely happy with and deal with some very difficult people. It has all escalated into a mess that may need legal intervention, I dread opening my emails, worry all the time about decisions that have been made and I feel incapable of dealing with it - I am much younger than everyone else involved and just feel so small and when I have to talk to them. It has been hanging over everything else and stopping me from thinking of other things for the organisation.

For the last week I barely slept (until I started taking sleeping tablets), I have none nothing but read books, my house has degenerated into a tip (I am messy at the best of times), I can't remember when I last ate three proper meals and I have done nothing towards the qualification I am supposed to be completing. Anyway, it all came to a head and I resigned.

At first, I felt so light and relieved for making the decision but today I feel just as bad. I have had to walk away from everything that I wanted to do over this one situation. My husband has had utter faith in me throughout and was prepared to help me work out what I wanted to say in every situation so I feel that I have let him down when he was so proud of me. Other people on the committee who were aware of my feelings had said that had confidence in me and had even offered to take on this situation so I could concentrate on other stuff - but I personally didn't feel I could lead a committee whilst ignoring the major issues, it felt like I would just be a silly figurehead. So, i feel I have let them down too. I have family coming to visit soon and need to tidy up but only got out of bed after midday. I know all the logic of just doing one small task at a time instead of feeling overwhelmed but instead I have just been pacing around the house running the same thoughts through my head over and over again and I just don't know what to do.

Thank you to anyone who has read this far - getting it all down on paper has helped a bit...

Ugh, I feel your pain. Been there - twice!! Community organisations can be the pits, I have seen grown men cry! I got to a point where I avoided walking through my own village in case some to do with my association saw me and wanted to say their piece!

Sounds like you took too much on, which is so easy in voluntary organisations - I bet no-one else was surprised you resigned, it takes a particularly forceful character to keep these things running and or someone with loads of experience. Its a lot harder than it looks.

Don't beat yourself up, you did loads more for your community than most people ever do and you will still be able to contribute. Very much recommend fresh air, exercise and relaxation type breathing to deal with all the adrenaline that is making you feel so rotten. Or very vigorous housework. Don't feel you have to resolve this immediately - you don't owe anyone your health or peace of mind, that's the most important thing and i'm sure everyone on the committee would say that too you.

Can you tell yourself you'll deal with it mentally when there's someone there to talk it through with?

for all you have given alrready

Thank you for your kind words and flowers! And I am sorry you have also had stressful voluntary experiences. I do now see what you mean about forceful characters and voluntary organisations. I guess am disappointed that I've turned out not to have been strong enough to deal with it especially as it had been building my confidence at a time when I lack confidence in the rest of my life. So now that has gone too and I feel a bit lost of purpose.

I have been trying to switch off mentally and have at least managed to get a dishwasher load on but keep coming over teary for no apparent reason, especially over something that seems so small in the grand scheme of things.

Thank you again for reading and replying.

Ooh anxiety and stress totally remove my sense of proportion.

I didn't want ro say this but I think the people who lead organisations tend to be a bit pig headed quite single minded.It totally does not mean you didn't or can't contribute, but if you want your contribution to be ongoing, it has to ne somerhong you enjoy!!!! Ridiculously easy to lose sight of that I know

Deep breaths now, in through the nose, out through the mouth.....

Has to BE someTHING you enjoy. My typing, honestly!